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Deer Caught In Highlights Billy Ray Cyrus' wife looks as confused by his highlights as we are. She looks pained, like she's been holding a fart in way too long. Here's Billy Ray with his wife, Tish, at the premiere of Hannah Montana's concert in 3D. That mess is going to make a shit load of money and Billy Ray is going to waste it all on Sun-In products and flat-irons. http://www.dlisted.com/

Cher's Back! Cher has returned from the crypt! Cher retired from touring in 2005, but she will be back on stage starting May 6 at the Colosseum in Las Vegas' Caesars Palace. She will perform 4-shows a week on-and-off until October. It might extend depending on sales. 61-year-old Cher promises a visual orgasm and said they are doing things that have never been done before. She told USA Today, "Getting the whole thing in book form, in pictures, has taken months. Our set moves down from the ceiling, in from the sides, up from the floor. We have screens in the foreground, the center and the back. We can change a city into a forest in two seconds. You'll see a different stage for every song." I'm sure it's taken just as much work to get her face ready too. Plastic surgeons were working around the clock! She looks like she's doing an impersonation of herself. Actually, she looks like she's trying to do a Jessica Simpson impersonation. She's just missing the gaping mouth and she's got it down. http://www.dlisted.com/

Liev Schreiber and Hugh Jackman Get All Wolverine On Us Hugh Jackman and Liev Schrieber are looking pretty relaxed on the set of their film, "Wolverine." The two are in costume and I have to say that if I were Liev, I probably would be taking advantage of every spare opportunity to be doing some crunches. I'm not saying that I think he's out of shape, but if I knew I had to be taking off my shirt in or around the vicinity of one Hugh Jackman, I'd make sure that I had done my darndest to try and keep up with that fitness maniac. Don't get me wrong, he's still way hot in my book. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Lots Of Trying Holly Madison talked about the rumors that she's knocked up at Playboy's Super Bowl party in Arizona on Saturday. Holly told UsWeekly, "There has been lots of trying — lots of trying!" I hope the trying involves Hef dropping it in a cup and Holly doing it with a turkey baster, because "lots of trying" could kill the man. Hef added, "There will certainly be a lot of romantic years ahead, but a wedding we will see." Holly then said that she wanted a "baby" for Valentine's Day. No, what she really wants is to win the lottery and having a Hefner baby will do that for her. Having sex with pepaws is a tricky and unsexy situation. I just hope Hef takes off his dentures before any sexy times. Dentures stuck in the coochie is not right and should be illegal. True story here. One time I was doing wet things with someone (under the age of 35) who dropped his fake teeth during. I never laughed so hard before in my life. It killed the mood and ended the moment, but I was happy because I was able to fart and laugh at the same time. I was never able to do that before! What a proud moment. http://www.dlisted.com/

The Pete Wentz School Of Beauty Why David Silver why?! Put down the mascara please. You should not take beauty advice from Pete Wentz. David Austin Green is looking beat and the make-up is not helping. I'd still get with that shit, because the dick is large. That's probably what's keeping Megan Fox around. Here's Miss David and Megan at the premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles last night. http://www.dlisted.com/

Would You Hit It? Every now and again a lovely lady lad will come along and give me the sex quivers. KD Lang (don't ask) and Dani from A Shot At Love are two of those women as is Tilda Swinton. I can't explain the Tilda thing. It's probably the flaming red hair, the long fingers and the Mr. Burns physique. I would definitely dress up like a magical lion princess for her, because crazy bitch is probably into that role playing shit. http://www.dlisted.com/

Jimmy Kimmel's Effing Ben Affleck Jimmy Kimmel gave his response to Sarah Silverman's "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" video by "Fucking Ben Affleck." He raised Sarah by getting almost every damn celebrity into his video. Seriously, Brad Pitt, Rebecca Romjin, Harrison Ford, Christina Applegate, Cameron Diaz, Macy Gray, Joan Jett, Don Cheadle, Pete Wentz, Josh Groban, Perry Farrell, The Madden douches, Dominic Monaghan, Robin Williams, Huey Lewis and many more were all in this shit. They should have kept the Diaz out. I almost turned that shit on as soon as she came on the screen with her usual schtick. Sarah's song was funnier, but Jimmy had bigger stars and better costumes! I would also rather fuck Ben Affleck than Matt Damon. Less meaty in a good way. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGa29kPBbp4 http://www.dlisted.com/

Papa Joe Probably Approved This Asshole Simpson's new album cover is definitely a major contender for the fugliest of the year. The label probably sat around and said, "How the hell can we distract from this annoying slag's fugly face? I have an idea! Let's find the ugliest font we can find. Maybe two fugs can make a right." That font should only be allowed on the cover of a Schoolhouse Rock album and nowhere else. It looks like an avatar one of her two fans would make using MSPaint while on a NyQuil high. Seriously, her fans probably think a NyQuil high is hardcore. I shouldn't say Papa Joe approved, because if he had his way she would be in a bikini, sucking on a lollipop and clutching her "My Heart Belongs To Papa Joe" pillow. http://www.dlisted.com/

Danny Noriega: Princess Of The High Seas Rosie O'Donnell has offered a job to our favorite faux chola, Danny Noriega, on her R Family Cruise to Mexico next week. Rosie said on her blog that she would love him to come out with a friend or his family and perform "Tainted Love." She also said that Cyndi Lauper was also set to perform on the cruise and Danny could duet with her. Rosie went on to say, “I think you’re fantastic. And I think you’re a bold and brave and beautiful young man. And I admire you, Danny Noriega. You have an amazing voice. And your hair looks good straight.” That's the only thing that's straight on him. Anyway, Danny should only it if he gets to headline. Danny is going to be a big shining star.......on the drag circuit. http://www.dlisted.com/

Holy Hell! I don't believe my eyes! For once Jenna Jameson does not look like a greasy ass chicken bone. She actualy looks...gulp.....decent. I still want to attack with a hundred blotting papers but she's cleaned up. Here's Jenna and Baby Huey at the premiere of "Sleepwalking" last night. Baby Huey alway has this "duh" look on his face. If I ever run into his ass, I'm going to yell "What's two plus two?" His dumbass head would spontaneously combust. http://www.dlisted.com/

I'm Telling Tony Mario Lopez took his friend, Eva LongWHORIA, out to lunch yesterday and presented her with a Cartier necklace for her 55th Birthday. That bitch isn't worth it! I hope Mario pulled a fast one on her and bought that necklace at Claire's, but put it in a Cartier box. She wouldn't know the difference. I also can't stand Eva's laugh. I can hear it through the pictures. It sounds like one of those cackling witch dolls. I bet she snorts out mocos when she cackles. She's just doing this shit in public, because she wants Tony to get jealous. Methinks he's too busy screwing other hos! http://www.dlisted.com/

Taylor Dane http://www.dlisted.com/

Amstel Light McConaughey Matthew McConaughey really wants to name his baby boy after a beer. Matthew claims that his brother, Rooster McConaughey, named his second son Miller Lyte after his favorite beer. Star Magazine reports that Matthew loves the name so much, but Camilla Alves isn't having any of it. Camilla is 5-months pregnant with his son and wants a more traditional name. Leave it to that bitch to kill all the fun. A source said, "She's pretty old-fashioned. She won't let Matthew push her into this." I need to have a talk with Camilla, because Matthew must get his wish. This would be the most awesome celebrity baby name ever! But what's Matthew's beer of choice? Pabst Blue Ribbon? Beast Ice? Bud? Genny? The Possibilities are endless and any of those names will do. http://www.dlisted.com/

Yes, That's Robert Downey Jr. Oh no. It's Robert Downey Jr. in black face for the spoof comedy "Tropic Thunder." In the movie, Robert portrays Kirk Lazarus, an Oscar-winning actor who dyes his skin in order to play a black character in the the most expensive Vietnam War film ever made. Basically, Robert is playing a white man playing a black man. Robert doesn't think it will be offensive, because it will be done right. He told Entertainment Weekly, ''If it's done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago. If you don't do it right, we're going to hell. If I didn't feel it was morally sound or that it would be easily misinterpreted then I'm just C. Thomas Howell in ("Soul Man"), I would've stayed home." Soul Man was shit! Ben Stiller wrote, directed and also stars in the film. He said that at a recent screening black audiences thought it was funny. "I had no idea how people would respond to it." The film hits theaters this August and also stars Jack Black, Nick Nolte, Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey and Tobey Maguire. I guess this is sort of the same thing as Eddie Murphy playing an Asian character in "Norbit." That shit was semi-offensive though. I got flashbacks of Mickey Rooney in Breakfast At Tiffany's. I haven't seen this Tropic Thunder shit, so I can't really judge. The only reason I want to see Tropic Thunder is to see Tommy Girl in a fat suit. http://www.dlisted.com/

Sheryl Crow Must Be Lonely Sheryl Crow must be mighty lonely, because she's using Jennifer Aniston's name to get a little attention. Sheryl reportedly said that Jen was the one to dump Brad Pitt, it wasn't the other way around. Sheryl said, "For both of us, the perceived idea is that, in our big relationships, we both got dumped. Believe me, this is not true. Neither one of us has ever gotten dumped. No one ever knows what goes on in relationships. Unfortunately, for some people like Jennifer and me, so much is written about things that you don't say, and so many emotions are attributed to you that you haven't had." A friend of Jen's (I'm guessing Courteney Cox or Sheryl, because those are her only friends) told The National Enquirer, "Once Jen saw the writing on the wall, she dumped Brad. She took a cold, hard look at her marriage and realised it was irretrievably broken. She and Brad had vastly different personal agendas and feelings about love, career and having a family." That's lovely Sheryl, but it still doesn't change the fact that he's with Angelina Jolie and has like 10,000 kids. Jen has shit! Sheryl Suzanne Crow needs to go sing about winding roads and soaking up the sun instead of spilling Jen's business. Maybe the music thing didn't work out for Sheryl, so now she's working as Jen's spokeswhore. http://www.dlisted.com/

Courteney Cox's Coco Cusses Constantly The ever-so-genteel-looking Courteney Cox in her stylish scarf and sunglasses seems unlikely to have given birth to a three-year-old who likes to "cuss like a sailor." But it's true, says a source that dished to Star magazine. According to the insider, "Coco thinks it's funny and goes right on swearing. Courteney's just hoping she'll outgrow it." Or, maybe she can write for this blog, finishing off half-baked thoughts with an inane interjection of profanity, DAMMIT. By the way, I'm loving the purple. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Catherine Zeta-Jones Works The Mustard And Ketchup Look at this condiment art direction. Contrast! Catherine Zeta-Jones left her old husband for the day to snip the red ribbon at the brandy new Elizabeth Arden retail store on Fifth Avenue. Zeta-Jones was also scheduled to have breakfast with beauty editors and discuss Arden's new lipstick line. What these people will do for a check. Well, she's padding the nest. If hubby strokes out like his Dads, they might have to sell some of their holdings if he can't work anymore. So Catherine's just being wily. I credit her. I credit her with choosing the wrong shade of jacket as well. She looks like Ronald McDonald's successful older sister who left the family business to go into marketing. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Robert Downey Jr. Goes Black, May Never Come Back In Ben Stiller's latest film, "Tropic Thunder," Robert Downey Jr. busts out the prosthetic hair and make-up to portray a self-indulgent actor, whose penchant for getting "into character" has him walking around looking like a black man. In the film, Downey's character, Kirk Lazarus is an Academy Award-winning actor, who stars alongside Ben Stiller's character in "the most expensive Vietnam War film ever," reports Entertainment Weekly. The character being played by Lazarus is Sgt. Osiris, originally written as a person of color and Lazarus takes this detail to heart, determined to immerse himself in his character as much as possible by dyeing his skin. According to Downey, "If it's done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago." He adds, "If you don't do it right, we're going to hell." The movie's premise is as follows: a group of narcissistic actors filming a big-budget, modern-day "Apocalypse Now"--lead by Ben Stiller's action hero character--are abandoned by the director and writer of their film when their antics prove too much and they're forced to fend for themselves. However, it seems they never realize that the cameras have stopped rolling. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Funny Ladies Being Sexy For Vanity Fair Oh yes, that's Amy Poehler totally copping a feel off Tina Fey's boob, while Sarah Silverman gazes wistfully off into the distance. These funny ladies of television are gracing the cover of Vanity Fair's latest issue, hoping to debunk the myth that women can't possibly be as funny as their male counterparts. Accompanying the photos shoot is an piece by Alessandra Stanley, and chatted with each of the ladies for the piece. When talking with Tina Fey, the former head writer of Saturday Night Live said that the idea that women are genetically incapable of being amusing still persists, "You still hear it," she says. "It's just a lot easier to ignore." But what can't be ignored is how great these pictures are. Down below is a group shot featuring (from left to right) Sandra Bernhard, Chelsea Handler, Jenna Fischer, Sarah Silverman and Wanda Sykes looking like the kind of ladies I'm used to writing about on a regular basis and who consistently make me laugh...but not on purpose necessarily. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Funny Ladies Being Sexy For Vanity Fair Oh yes, that's Amy Poehler totally copping a feel off Tina Fey's boob, while Sarah Silverman gazes wistfully off into the distance. These funny ladies of television are gracing the cover of Vanity Fair's latest issue, hoping to debunk the myth that women can't possibly be as funny as their male counterparts. Accompanying the photos shoot is an piece by Alessandra Stanley, and chatted with each of the ladies for the piece. When talking with Tina Fey, the former head writer of Saturday Night Live said that the idea that women are genetically incapable of being amusing still persists, "You still hear it," she says. "It's just a lot easier to ignore." But what can't be ignored is how great these pictures are. Down below is a group shot featuring (from left to right) Sandra Bernhard, Chelsea Handler, Jenna Fischer, Sarah Silverman and Wanda Sykes looking like the kind of ladies I'm used to writing about on a regular basis and who consistently make me laugh...but not on purpose necessarily. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Colin Farrell On The Cover Of GQ, Loves His Chocolate Colin Farrell is so clearly undressing us with his eyes at this moment. And I'd put up a fight except that I don't really want to. I just wish I were wearing more alluring undergarments. The Irish actor recently posed for GQ magazine and is featured on the cover of the British version of the magazine, looking intense in a suit. Somehow, Colin's all fuzzy and stuff, but there's something about his fuzziness that I find ultimately way more attractive than Adrian Grenier's. Not sure why. Whatever. In any case, Colin had a recent interview about his latest film, "In Bruges," in which he reiterated how he had left his bad-boy past behind him. "That's the irony of working in Belgium. The beer, we had to strike that off the list. No beer for me at this stage in my career, after hundreds of them, but, yeah, the chocolate was grand." A man who confesses to preferring chocolate over beer is a man after my own heart. Or a man who's going to fight me for the last piece of chocolate. Dammit. We'll just have to remain star-crossed lovers. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Miley Cyrus's Relationship With Her Dad And His Pajamas Miley Cyrus wants to give her Pops a makeover. She says that he has a "Clint Eastwood Pajamas" look that has to go. I have no idea what that means. Like, old man pajamas? Grizzled film director pajamas? Do they have guns on them? She says that "there's a certain time where dad's got, we call it the 'Clint Eastwood Pajama look'. It's so horrible, it's the worst. And a really ugly hat with a bow. Oh, it's so bad." OK, what is this bitch wearing to bed that's scaring the children so much? As for Dad, he wants to be Miley's friend. That never works out. Dad first, friend later. He called into Ryan Seacrest's show and explained that he feels that if he "invades her space, he won't be that guy." Translation: don't piss her off so the checks keep coming. "Achy-Breaky Heart" was a long time ago. He also denied reports saying that he deleted Lindsay Lohan's number from Hannah Montana's cell phone. He said that "we love Lindsay. We love her." Seriously, you need to Dad that situation. That freckled UV-baked trollop is no kind of role model for your kid, dude. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Jerry O’Connell competes in extreme adventure competition Actor Jerry O’Connell, who starred in “Jerry Maguire” “Crossing Jordan” and “Stand by Me” and is married to model/actress Rebecca Romijn will compete in an extreme adventure competition in the Scottish Highlands next month. The 2008 Drambuie Pursuit is an outdoor adventure race where teams retrace the voyage of Bonnie Prince Charlie, who created the recipe for Drambuie. Prince Charlie tried to take over the British throne, which didn’t work out so well. He then fled to Scotland, leaving behind his secret recipe. No word on how much alcohol this competition will feature, but you’d think any race sponsored by a liqueur company would lead to a good time. The Drambuie Pursuit, which takes place in April 2008, will see teams of modern-day rebels competing in an epic race through one of Europe’s last great wildernesses. Teams will demonstrate their spirit of adventure by kayaking through rushing rapids, rappelling steep mountain faces and performing numerous other feats of endurance as they traverse the inhospitable terrain of the Highlands. Alongside the competing teams, Jerry O’Connell will experience his own bold journey as he follows the Prince’s storied route from Inverness to the Isle of Skye. With a successful film and television career under his belt, Jerry O’Connell is now prepared to take on the newest challenge in his life: a 100-mile race across Scotland to relive the passion, spirit and legacy of rebel Prince Charlie. Jerry and his three teammates will compete in the first ever Drambuie Pursuit to permit American entrants, they — along with nine other teams — will experience an all-terrain adventure race the likes of which they will never forget. “I am thrilled to take part in the Drambuie Pursuit,” said Jerry O’Connell. “I can’t wait to race across the Scottish Highlands and take part in this exciting and unique journey — and I’m confident that my team will win!” [From Yahoo! News] That’s pretty cool. It’s an all too rare occasion that celebrities compete in extreme adventure competitions. I have a few celebs I would like to personally nominate for something involving the aforementioned “rappelling steep mountain faces.” If Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan would like to join, that would make me incredibly happy. Seriously though, it’s very cool that Jerry O’Connell is doing this. He’s one of those actors that always seems up for a good time and has no problem laughing at just about everything and everyone – himself included. I’m assuming this is the kind of thing you have to train for – but how exactly does one prepare for “feats of endurance?” I’m guessing he’s breaking a lot of boards in his backyard or something. It sounds like there could be a bit of danger involved – Jerry, you’re really pretty. Protect the face. Thanks. http://www.celebitchy.com/

Rihanna Lights Up Chris Brown's Life The two young lovebirds, Rihanna and Chris Brown, recently were caught getting cozy on vacation in Barbados and now the musical couple were spotted here after Galliano fashion show in Paris, lighting up the VIP club with the glory of their love. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, you should check out the bottom, left-hand picture of the two playing with some sparklers like they were glowsticks at a rave. (On a side note, are raves back in?) OK, well maybe they were just sparklers, but from the looks of all the kisses Chris keeps planting on his girlfriend's visage, he's a hunka-hunka burning love for his girl, Rihanna. http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/

Matthew McConaughey Surfs Into The World Of Fashion Design For a man who seems most comfortable completely nude, it's kind of ironic that Matthew McConaughey's decided to start designing his own line of beach apparel. OK, maybe it's not because when Matthew actually is clothed, it's usually in beachwear. Yes, we know what you're thinking and yes, his clothing line will include t-shirts, but it's probably meant for the individual who isn't lucky enough to be sporting "Hollywood's Hottest Chest." According to the actor's rep, the line will be "a one-stop shop for every-thing you need for the beach," including frisbees, swimsuits and, like we said, t-shirts. Also, the name of the line is "j.k. livin," after Matthew's personal motto for life, "Just Keep Livin'." http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/