Jump to content
sanlee

Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin

Recommended Posts

If Only She Wasn’t Such an Insufferable Bitch Gwyneth Paltrow Career Assessment / Agent Bedhead -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Gwyneth Kate Paltrow, 37-year-old American actress & self-declared successor to Martha Stewart Date of Assessment: May 7, 2010 Positive Buzzwords: (This section left intentionally blank.) Negative Buzzwords: Insufferable, snotty, ungrateful, unremarkable Date of Assessment: May 7, 2010 The Case: Many of you probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I’ve got absolutely no tolerance for Gwyneth Paltrow, who became an inexplicably successful A-list actress primarily due to nepotism (as well as strategically dating Brad Pitt). Yet, I didn’t always feel this way about her, for I actually liked Gwyneth during her early career after randomly catching Flesh and Bone at a dollar theater and finding her relatively enigmatic next to Pitt during Se7en. She also did well to make herself the focus of fairly small movies like Moonlight and Valentino and Hush (despite the latter’s horrid script), and she held her own against Michael Douglas in the lukewarm A Perfect Murder. However, I never would have categorized Gwyneth as a great actress, and it’s rather amazing that such atrocious attempts at an English accent have been repeatedly showcased in Emma, Sliding Doors, and Shakespeare in Love. Shortly after Shakespeare, however, a noticeable shift in Gwyneth’s attitude occurred, which may or may not have something to do with winning that undeserved Best Actress Oscar (for 1998’s Shakespeare role), which was essentially gifted to her at a very early age (interesting speech, btw) and seemed to unleash (or at least coincide with) Gwyneth’s inner frigid superiority goddess. Nowadays, it’s not unexpected for a journalist to interview Mrs. Paltrow-Martin and hear all sorts of things unrelated to whatever film the bitch happens to be promoting. Just as an example, this interview with The Guardian glosses over the film in question, Proof, in favor of Gwyneth’s beliefs about how Hollywood is so bloody awful and, if it weren’t for all those drunken women in England, her adopted home would be just about perfect for her tastes. Not to mention that Americans are such uninteresting conversationalists and far too uncultured for the likes of herself, who has certainly appeared in her share of lowbrow films (like Shallow Hal and View from the Top), but that’s only because Harvey Weinstein talked her into it. In recent years, it’s no wonder that I’ve often referred to her as “GPal” due to her attitudinal (made-up word!) proximity to JLo, who uses her so-called Latina roots much in the same manner as Gwyneth when she claims to be African or some such nonsense. Lately, Gwyneth’s grown even more insufferable by labeling non-famous people as “pedestrians” and hosting charity events in order to foster a humanitarian vibe while simultaneously referring to the (invited) photographers as “roaches.” And I haven’t even broached the topic of GOOP. Look, it’s not that Gwyneth is necessarily a bad actress, but she’s just not necessarily a good one. And that wouldn’t be so such a bad thing either — because there are many untalented actors and actresses who consistently find work — if she weren’t such an insufferable bitch about it all. Indeed, it’s now a relief that the Iron Man 2 promotional circuit has neared its end, so perhaps Gwyneth can go back to her lovely, charming faux-English life while looking down upon us all. Of course, I wouldn’t despise her quite so much if she could just shut up about everything else during promotion and, you know, focus on the movie that she’s being paid to pimp. Instead, she’s on the morning shows talking about a bizarre exercise routine and how wonderful she is to put her family over her career (as if she’s the only one to ever do so). All of this verbal diarrhea makes one wonder whether, during the filming of Two Lovers, Gwyneth might have become the secret ingredient to Joaquin Phoenix’s insanity as well as the unwitting catalyst for his decision to stop acting: “Trying to seduce Paltrow on screen may have just proved too much for him, and it’s like the weight gain, beard and the crazy are all a defense mechanism to keep her far away.” Of course, that’s really just a joke but not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Gwyneth Paltrow is, by trade, an actress. Yet, she often (and unironically) spends much of her existence speaking of the uninspired dullness and blatantly tiresome aspects of what she believes to be the essence of us unwashed proletariat masses. Oddly enough, we’re the ones who buy movie tickets. She’d do well to shut her mouth and work on that so-called “craft” of hers instead. Prognosis: If it weren’t for the undemanding Pepper Potts role that Gwyneth secured in the Iron Man franchise, Paltrow would have little future other than the reigning spokesperson for Estée Lauder perfumery and the occasional artsy-fartsy film. Unfortunately, it looks like we’re stuck with her for quite a while, but Robert Downey Jr. can help ease our pain just a bit. Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at agentbedhead.com. From website pajiba.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
God help me, but Gwynnie was actually enjoyable in IM2. It doesn't hurt that pretty much all her scenes were with RDJ, who has chemistry with anyone/thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
what comments, Hihomumio?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what comments, Hihomumio?


I'm assuming these are the comments at issue:

http://www.dlisted.com/node/37199

Loki's forever soulmate Mickey Rourke, who just finished promoting Iron Man 2 with Fishsticks Paltrow (hint hint), says most movie stars can kiss his face (which is worse than kissing his ass) because he doesn't have a sliver of respect for them. Mickey wouldn't even respect them if they were covered in fluffy fur, yapped at the wind, tossed their own salad and shat out butt pieces the size of a thumbnail. That's saying a lot.

Mickey tells Parade Magazine (via HuffPo): “You can be less than mediocre and be a fucking movie star. I have respect for very few actors and actresses. Some of them get a lot of acclaim but just because their movie made $200 million at the box office, they still suck. I got no respect for them and I used to let them know it. It was important for me to put that aside and go, ‘You know what? This is a business. If you kiss the right ass and you get lucky on a movie or two, you could last 10 years.’ So, now, I just keep my mouth shut and pet my chihuahuas.”

Of course Mickey has to keep his mouth shut, because if he doesn't those asshole stars won't let him be in their movies and then how will he keep his little dog friends in the lifestyle they are accustomed to? Bedazzled dog bowls, canine anal bleaching and doggy nipple massages don't pay for themselves!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

God help me, but Gwynnie was actually enjoyable in IM2. It doesn't hurt that pretty much all her scenes were with RDJ, who has chemistry with anyone/thing.


Well, to me...the movie had too much of her(it doesn't help that I'm already not a fan). Not enough Mickey, not enough Scarjo(but then she probably would've murdered the Russian accent she was supposed to have).

It didn't seem RDJ and Gwenyecch had chemistry and had way too much dialogue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I also enjoyed Gwyneth in this role and believe it shocked the heck out of me! As for Rourke, I thought his comments were more directed at people like the girl in The Transformer movies then at someone like Paltrow. But who knows with that guy. He definitely did a great villain.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
about the always-(not!)-fascinating Gywneth...

"Gwyneth Paltrow no-sun rule backfires


Gwyneth Paltrow learned that staying out of the sun could have health consequences when she was diagnosed with a severe Vitamin D deficiency.

Like many stars, the "Iron Man" actress insisted on staying out of the sun and covered up for summer trips, but then she learned her caution was costing her good health.

In her latest Goop.com newsletter to fans and friends, the actress has opened up about her secret health battle and advised others how to make sure they get just the right amount of sun with a little help from top doctor Frank Lipman.

Paltrow writes, "I suffered a pretty severe Tibial plateau fracture a few years ago (requiring surgery) which lead the orthopedic surgeon to give me a bone scan, at which point it was discovered I had the beginning stages of osteopenia.

"This led my western/eastern doctors in New York to test my Vitamin D levels, which turned out to be the lowest they had ever seen (not a good thing). I went on a prescription strength level of Vitamin D and was told to spend a bit of time in the sun!

"I was curious if this was safe, having been told for years to stay away from its dangerous rays, not to mention a tad bit confused as we are all well schooled in the dangers of overexposure to the sun."

Paltrow admits she took Dr. Lipman's advice and has now reversed her Vitamin D diagnosis, and she has called on the expert to offer readers tips on how to enjoy the summer sun's rays "sensibly."

He writes: "Numerous studies have shown that optimizing your Vitamin D levels may actually help prevent as many as 16 different types of cancer including pancreatic, lung, breast, ovarian, prostate, and colon cancers. And the best way to optimize Vitamin D levels is through safe, smart and limited sunscreen-free exposure to the sun."

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/dailyd...7#ixzz0rSRyVdvs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Who says "Shan't?"... " GWYNETH PALTROW'S PRIVATE SNAPS LEFT ON TRAIN Gwyneth Paltrow's private photos were left on a train Sunday June 20,2010 PRIVATE family photos of Gwyneth Paltrow and her rock star husband Chris Martin have been returned... thanks to a train manager’s detective work. The pictures were found in the pocket of a jacket left on a train at Plymouth, Devon. Duty manager Matt Fearn recognised the Coldplay frontman and his wife (pictured right) in the snaps, and suspected the jacket might belong to a relative of Martin, who comes from nearby Exeter. Instead of sending it to lost property, he contacted a local paper for help in tracking down the family, and Martin’s father Anthony responded. A relieved Mr Martin said: “I’m very impressed with the initiative of staff at Plymouth, and Matt Fearn in particular, who thought to rummage around in the pockets to try to identify who the jacket belonged to. “Now I shan’t be in the doghouse for losing some rather important family photos.” Matt said: “Most lost property doesn’t have photos of somebody famous in the pocket, but we always try to trace the owner.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, not sure if relevant is the right word but she's friends with 90% of the cool Hollywood crowd and a lot of other rich and famous folk so she definitely turns up at a lot of functions and drops plenty of famous names in her "Goop" blog. Can't stand her, myself, but girlfriend certainly knows how to keep her face in the magazines and get invited to the right parties. It would bring me an unreasonable amount of joy if her husband were to leave her for another woman.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

about the always-(not!)-fascinating Gywneth...

"Gwyneth Paltrow no-sun rule backfires


Gwyneth Paltrow learned that staying out of the sun could have health consequences when she was diagnosed with a severe Vitamin D deficiency.

Like many stars, the "Iron Man" actress insisted on staying out of the sun and covered up for summer trips, but then she learned her caution was costing her good health.

In her latest Goop.com newsletter to fans and friends, the actress has opened up about her secret health battle and advised others how to make sure they get just the right amount of sun with a little help from top doctor Frank Lipman.

Paltrow writes, "I suffered a pretty severe Tibial plateau fracture a few years ago (requiring surgery) which lead the orthopedic surgeon to give me a bone scan, at which point it was discovered I had the beginning stages of osteopenia.

"This led my western/eastern doctors in New York to test my Vitamin D levels, which turned out to be the lowest they had ever seen (not a good thing). I went on a prescription strength level of Vitamin D and was told to spend a bit of time in the sun!

"I was curious if this was safe, having been told for years to stay away from its dangerous rays, not to mention a tad bit confused as we are all well schooled in the dangers of overexposure to the sun."

Paltrow admits she took Dr. Lipman's advice and has now reversed her Vitamin D diagnosis, and she has called on the expert to offer readers tips on how to enjoy the summer sun's rays "sensibly."

He writes: "Numerous studies have shown that optimizing your Vitamin D levels may actually help prevent as many as 16 different types of cancer including pancreatic, lung, breast, ovarian, prostate, and colon cancers. And the best way to optimize Vitamin D levels is through safe, smart and limited sunscreen-free exposure to the sun."

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/dailyd...7#ixzz0rSRyVdvs


Why can't she just say that she broke her leg? Her western/eastern doctors? What does that mean?

I take Vit D, too. Pretty much everyone is low on it in the winter especially.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted Image
LADIES WHO LUNCH
Gwyneth Paltrow and Faith Hill leave their men, husbands Chris Martin and Tim McGraw, at home Tuesday for a ladies-only lunch in N.Y.C.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My first thought was "What the hell is Faith wearing?" then I looked at Gwenneth and said the same thing. One dressed to work the streets (the tired old corner), and the other wore her slumpy pajamas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My first thought was "What the hell is Faith wearing?" then I looked at Gwenneth and said the same thing. One dressed to work the streets (the tired old corner), and the other wore her slumpy pajamas.

It reminds me of those photos - Celebs caught without make-up! :4biggrin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×