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alpierce

creeped out

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There is this person at work that calls me over to their desk for non existent problems. This person then attempts to impress me in various ways. Last week I was shown a picture of this person with a locally famous person. If you lived where this person was famous, you might now the famous person, but since I do not live there, I was clueless. Recently, the creepy person regaled me with an anecdote of a sexual conquest.

 

First of all I have heard it all and believe about a 10th of it. But this person has such a creepy, slimy way of putting them self in your orbit. I can't go to my boss with this as this is a very tight knit place. I would not consider this harassment, I would just like to make this person keep to themself without making waves.

 

Now I now what it's like when a creep keeps coming back for more.

 

Any suggestions?

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Something similar happened to me a few years ago. I emailed a friend about it, and her reply was intercepted by my boss. (He received all emails that were typed incorrectly, etc.) He was then under obligation to tell the big boss about it. Ultimately, he had to talk to the creep-o and tell him to knock it off. Creep-o was insulted because in his mind he was not being inappropriate at all. The result was that he never talked to me or even looked at me again. It was awkward but SO worth it.

 

My recommendation therefore is to confide in a friend who is also an immediate higher-up. Maybe he or she can give you advice based on how things are done in your company. Or, maybe he or she can tell someone who can do something so that it's taken out of your hands. Maybe that person can say they overheard him discussing a sexual anecdote with you and that it was inappropriate so he told HR or the boss or whoever. And then you have no say in the matter.

 

At the very least, telling a friend puts it "out there" so that if these incidents do escalate you have someone who is aware of it and can back you up, although hopefully it doesn't come to that.

 

Good luck and keep us updated :)

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How nice for you, John Smith.

 

Do you have the figures I need for the Annual Report? No? OK, please send them when they are ready. Good bye

I have a great relationship with my boss- he's the best boss I've ever had, and I know how lucky I am there. He also has spent a ton of time mentoring students, trainees, junior faculty, etc, so I know I could go to him with any problem. In the absence of that kind of support, I tend to favor some of Dear Abby and Miss Manners' more innocuous retorts. Non sequitors. Be pleasant, but you don't have to make sense.

 

Good luck!

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I prefer the DIRECT approach .... 'please don't call me to your desk for anything not work related, thanks'. and, if that doesn't work .... 'I find you creepy and inappropriate, this is my second request, my third will be with HR'.

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All great suggestions. The most important part though is he is making YOU come to HIM by going to HIS office (passive aggressive dominance at its best). If you don't want to be direct with him, just don't go to his office. Say you're swamped and don't have time without looking up from your desk when he asks you to come by his office.

 

Regardless, I do like the suggestion that you tell someone at your office so if it ever comes down to it, you have a witness.

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Recently, the creepy person regaled me with an anecdote of a sexual conquest.

You can say it laughingly if you don't want to be direct, but do stop him in the middle of the story or he thinks you are giving consent. Throw your hands up, laugh a little and say "I don't want to hear about your sex life!" and walk out while still laughing. You don't have to be direct, but hopefully your point will still be made.

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I guess there are certain things I'm ok being direct with, and others where I don't want to seem curt. Esp in a small office. So my first instinct is to try to make it stop in a non-confrontational or joking manner....

 

But yeah - stop going to his/her desk ;-)

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Being direct wouldn't work

Passive aggression is this guy's stock in trade

 

I like princess's suggestion, I might even modify it to a shocked or disgusted look, and also make sure certain things are in place so I don't have to physically be at his desk.

Edited by alpierce

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HR Director here! :-) Do you know if this guy acts like this towards anyone else?

 

If you aren't comfortable talking to your boss, could you talk to someone in HR about it? This *could* be handled very discreetly by the HR Dept and in an informal manner. That typically gets the point across without making waves throughout the office. People really don't like being called to come talk to us behind closed doors! :-) If one of my employees told me what you just said (especially the part about not wanting your supervisor involved because you don't want to cause additional problems), I would call the other employee in my office and have a very candid conversation about his behavior making others uncomfortable. I wouldn't mention any specific co-worker(s), wouldn't talk at all about what supposedly had been said, I would focus more on how he could improve his professional relationships. Given the structure of where I work, I would probably have a conversation with the supervisor about the other employee to give him/her a heads up on what behavior should not be tolerated, but I also wouldn't mention who had brought any of it to my attention.

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