leaivory

Don't Do That http://www.dlisted.com/ Do people think they look sexy when they blow kisses on the red carpet? It's worse than the peace sign! You aren't Marilyn Monroe! Not only do you look stupid, but the photogs don't want a whiff of your stank breath! Jennifer Hudson looks lovely when she just stands there and fake smiles. No other action is required. Here's JHud at the Project ALS 10th Anniversary last night.

The Grand Dame of Golddiggery http://www.laineygossip.com/Paul_McCartney...reak_down_.aspx Time and again, she pushes the limits of her craft, redefining and perfecting Golddiggery at every turn. KFed and his Junior (the one who married Tori Spelling) should be watching and learning. Heather Mills is a genius. So she and Paul were expected to nail down their divorce agreement yesterday with an offer from him for a reported 60 million pounds – over $120 million – and a commitment from both sides not to publicly discuss their private affairs. Unfortunately for Sir Paul, this became the sticking point. Heather was supposedly willing to go with £15 million less for the right to yap as often and as loudly as possible about their marriage, knowing full well that publishing deals and speaking engagements and eventual movie offers about “her remarkable life” will yield far more than that in the long run. If she gets her way, she publicly exploits their marriage for profit AND gets to spew her lies. On the other hand, by insisting – for now – on doing away with the confidentiality cause, she forces Paul’s hand into giving her more money. £60 million of course was never the original goal. The original goal was probably close to £150 million. Remember – McCartney is a billionaire. And she knows it. Cunning little bitch, non? Here they are at the hearing yesterday which ended at an impasse. UK gossips are now predicting a settlement will not be reached amicably and that the two will scrap it out in court where she will likely eat him alive. He’s no match for her. There really is NO match for this kind of manipulative brilliance. Heather Mills could probably wither even Madonna.

JILLIAN MICHAELS IS THE BIGGEST LOSER ON TYRA BANKS SHOW http://www.janetcharltonshollywood.com/ The other day Tyra Banks taped a show featuring several personal trainers who had previously been assigned an ordinary person to shape up. The trainer whose client lost the most weight over a certain time period was to be declared winner. One competitor was Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser and she was VERY disappointed when her client weighed in and had lost the LEAST weight. According to our source, Jillian became hostile and viciously attacked the client, blaming her for everything. The client burst into tears and Tyra tried to comfort her. Jillian turned her rage on Tyra and insulted HER! The audience started BOOING Jillian and she turned on THEM, snarling "F--- YOU!" and stormed off the show! How Tyra's editors cut her tirade out of the show will prove to be interesting, and we can't help but wonder of there was some roid rage happening here.

LAUREN BACALL HAS BEEN KNOWN TO FORGET HER MANNERS http://www.janetcharltonshollywood.com/ Some of the clerks at Number One Beauty Supply on Montana in Santa Monica reacted strangely when Lauren Bacall walked in. They ran and hid! Apparently, the actress can be terrifying. Ms Bacall was nicely dressed in slacks and a sweater and she carried a $5000 brown Birkin bag and her 14 year old dog Sophie. She spent an hour examining and picking out hair clips and there were no pleases or thank-yous when she brusquely asked clerks to show her things. When she had accumulated a pile of merchandise she handed over her credit card and said "Don't tell me how much it is - I must have 200 clips at home - why am I buying more?"

Say It Ain't So! http://www.dlisted.com/ Why do hot chicks keeping smacking lips with that potato face?! Rihanna and Josh Hartnett were spotted making out at the Pink Elephant in NYC last night according to UsWeekly. The two were also on TRL together yesterday. Apparently they were drinking Dom Perignon and Pink vodka throughout the night. Fancy and yet kind of sickening. She probably ralphed all over his mouth by the end of the night. He's 29 and she's 19. I hope that this was just a suck 'em and leave 'em kind of thing. Ri Ri can do much...much...much better than Josh Harnett. I mean, it's Josh Hartnett!!!

Killing The 80s http://www.dlisted.com/ Ashlee Simpson had a birthday party a couple of weeks ago and it was 80s themed. You know it actually looks semi-cute and semi-fun, but coming from these twats it looks like a house of annoying. Pete Wentz looks stoned as hell! He's looking at me like I'm a french fry pie! I will say that Jessica Simpson looks hot. Bitch should keep that looks. 80s hair is definitely the way to go. The higher, the better.

Don't Ever Marry Heather Mills http://www.dlisted.com/ Heather Mills and Paul McCartney's divorce battle will head to trial next February. The two spent all day yesterday trying to settle this mess behind closed doors. Heather reportedly refused to agree to a gag order as part of the settlement. Bitch wants to write a tell-all! She also reportedly turned down a $60 Million deal. It's been reported that she will get anywhere from $40 Million to $140 Million. The divorce settlement could become Britain's biggest. They were married in 2002. Heather is a gold-digging, blood sucking, heartless, hip hopping witch and I think I love her. Get that cash! That's what Paul gets for not signing a damn pre-nup. You have to deal with greedy witches like Heather!

Okay, now, I don't like Janet Charlton but THAT is funny. I thought so too.

BRITTANY MURPHY AND HER TROPHY HUSBAND http://janetcharltonshollywood.com/gossip/...nd_20071008.php Here's Brtttany Murphy and her bodyguard shopping for cameras at Samy's. Oops - we mean HUSBAND, not bodyguard. This is Simon Monjack, the English screenwriter she married in such a rush. The hasty wedding stirred up gossip about a "green card marriage" and Simon was allegedly linked to bad debts and shady business deals. But they're still together. She's looking as cute as ever, but dare we say he looks like he's let himself GO just a bit?

Hey, Who’s the Old Dude with Petra Nemcova? http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/ It’s Bruce Willis. Yeah, you read that right. I am not fucking kidding you. What? Happened? PUT THE TOUPEE BACK ON, BRUCE!! YOU’RE SCARING ME!!!

Just Chop It And Call It A Day! http://www.dlisted.com/ Kate Hudson said her 3-year-old son, Ryder, refuses to let her cut his hair. Last year Kate said she refused to cut his hair, because she thought long hair was beautiful. She said she's part Jewish and Hasidic-Jews don't cut their kids' hair until they are 3. Now it looks like Ryder's into it. She said, "He won't let me cut it. I said, 'We're gonna have to cut your hair...' and he goes, 'Yeah mom... I wanna mohawk!' I was like, 'I can't.'" "I think it's a daddy thing - his daddy's got long hair so he loves his long hair." Just cut it while he's sleeping and then when he starts crying and bitching about it, buy him a toy. Problem solved! I actually like long hair on boys, but not like that! Ryder has the Rachel and it isn't cute. She should do what he wants and give him a mohawk.

The tour would have probably taken about an hour and a half. She would have played a few thirteen minute shows (including encore) in each venue before she lost interest and went Vegas to party.

It's An Easy Mistake http://www.dlisted.com/ Chloë Sevigny was asked to be the face of Chloé perfume, but she wants to make sure people don't mistake the two. She told Fashion Week Daily , "It's very flattering. I'm concerned that the customers might be confused, though; I have the umlaut in my name while they have the accent. I'm Chloë, not Chloé." How about I call you ASSHOLE and we just call it a day? No umlaut and no accent! That was easy. Here's umlaut Chloe at the launch of accent Chloe's new fragrance. I love the look on the dude's face behind her. It says it all.

The Duped Hollywood Screen Legend http://blinditems.typepad.com/dish/ Underground Buzz: This Hollywood Screen Legend is telling everyone around her that she is ready for another husband. This would be her ninth husband. The man she has her eyes on is a businessman. Close friends of the Hollywood legend are shocked by her choice because she has never dated outside of her race. The screen legend may have to rethink her choice. The businessman is gay, and is only dealing with her to further his own business career. Methinks: Elizabeth Taylor's 'beau' Jason Winters See this article: Particularly this quote: "Martin Delaney, the founder of a San Francisco Aids charity of which Jason Winters (Liz's new beau) has been a patron for more than 15 years, told the Daily Mail: "I don't know how a marriage between them (Jason and Elizabeth) could take place. That's not the kind of relationship they've got. I find it all pretty amusing. "Elizabeth is friends with Jason and his long-term friend, Erik Sterling. Jason and Erik are both on the board of the charity and they have a house in Hawaii." Wanna bet that 'long term friend' is his long term boyfriend?

Seahorse http://www.dlisted.com/ That seahorsey can't swim! Hilary Duff got a major beating from the waves on the Jersey shore yesterday while filming "Greta." She had to be rescued by divers. HAH! Oh how I love seeing fugly celebrities in peril!

Owen's Back! http://www.dlisted.com/ Owen Wilson showed up to the Los Angeles premiere of his movie "The Darjeeling Limited" last night. He skipped the red carpet, but took the stage along his co-stars, Adrien Brody, Roman Coppola, Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. Hooray for Owen! But let's talk about Adrien Brody. Damn that man is a full order of sex with Yanni hair. Yes he's wearing a suit usually only worn by drag kings, but he can pull it off. OK, I take it back. I've taken a second look. It looks like he stole his pants from Rita Crosby's closet. She'd totally wear those.

Where's Jacko? http://www.dlisted.com/ Tito and Jermaine Jackson came out to support their little sister, Janet Jackson, at the premiere of Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? last night in Los Angeles. Posing next to her brothers just proves how much botox has gone in her damn face. Her skin looks like newborn baby skin compared to their earthquake cracked mugs. The bod looks hot, but I bet you all the fat that was taken from her ass went into her face! If it works for her!

OK...She's 83! It seems like Lauren Bacall went from being a hot ass GILF to looking like that overnight! Getting old sucks, but I applaud Lauren for not going under the knife. Embrace the old! There's nothing wrong with it. Yes, you might scare children every now and again, but who gives a fuck! You are still beautiful to me Lauren. I can smell her Jean Nate from here. My grandmother would wear the hell out of Jean Nate! Here's Lauren at the NYC screening for "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" last night.

Pink Gives Hubby Lapdance http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/web...hubby_lapdance/ Pink gave husband Carey Hart a lap dance in a California bar, dispelling rumors their marriage is in trouble. She sang 'Killing Me Softly' and Janice Joplin's hit 'Bobby McGee' at a Venice Beach karaoke bar while treating motocross star husband to her sexy moves on Sunday night. A source told gossip website TMZ.com: "They looked very happy and very much in love. People are saying their marriage is on the rocks, but it certainly looked good from where I was sitting." Pink was reportedly overheard telling friends at Hollywood restaurant Eleven recently that she wanted time apart from Carey after just 21 months of marriage. A source said: "Pink was out with a table full of friends and telling them that her and Carey just wasn't working anymore. "She told them, 'We're just not getting along anymore. We each need our space. We need our distance. It's not like it was when we first started.' " When asked about their marriage last month, Carey, 32, said "everything's fine". A representative for Pink, 28, said rumors the couple are splitting up were "complete bulls**t."

Beyoncé’s concert cancelled after protests http://www.celebitchy.com/6290/beyoncs_con...after_protests/ Malaysia is one strict country. Recently Gwen Stefani gave a concert there in which she had to cover up from head to toe, a move she called “a major sacrifice.” But she did it for her fans (or for the cash/publicity) and the world kept spinning. Beyoncé, however, has refused to comply with the dress code, and her concert has been canceled. “According to the rules introduced by the Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage in 2005 there must be no hugging or kissing audience members or fellow artists, no jumping or shouting, no throwing objects onstage or at the audience and no foul language. “Clothes cannot have obscene or drug-related images or messages, and female performers must show no skin from the tops of their chests to their knees.” [From Us Weekly] As I said when I covered the Gwen Stefani story, I’m a big “when in Rome” type. Beyoncé wears some nastily skanky outfits, in my highly-cultured opinion. I’d love it if they could force some dress code on her here, too. Some type of pledge, maybe, like “I, Beyoncé Knowles, promise never to wear anything designed by my mother, Tina Knowles. I promise never to wear anything designed by her clothing line, the House of Dereron. I pledge never to wear fur, or outfits with bizarre cutout patterns. I promise to stop exposing my armpits every chance I get.” I think that’d be fair not just to Malaysia, but to the whole world. “Beyoncé apparently isn’t ready to restrain her jelly. Not even for the sake of her fans. The Grammy winner has canceled what was due to be her first concert in Malaysia next month, in the wake of protests over her booty-baring stage antics and increased pressure to conform to the country’s hard-line Muslim regime’s ultrastrict dress codes for female performers. “Knowles’ International Creative Management agents, however, said the scuttled show was “due to a scheduling conflict” and nothing more. ‘It is with regret that we announce the cancellation of the Beyoncé Experience. It was to mark the very first time the performer would bring her show to Malaysia.’ “The statement confirmed Friday’s announcement by Kuala Lumpur-based concert promoter Pineapple Concerts that the plug had been pulled; Pineapple, however, declined to give a reason. The news follows an uptick in protests by several conservative groups, including the nearly 10,000-strong National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students, urging the Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage to stop the concert from taking place. “While Kuala Lumpur is a tour no-go, the singer has scheduled a gig to take place in nearby Jakarta on Nov. 1. While Indonesia is also a Muslim state, it has not set any guidelines in place for visiting performers, and Beyoncé will be able to don any of Mama Knowles’ cleavage-baring outfits she pleases and will also be able to jump, shout, curse and embrace audience members onstage—things she would not be allowed to do in Malaysia. “Other than Stefani, acts that did recently make the highly restricted trip to the Malaysian stage include Kanye West, Earth, Wind & Fire and the Pussycat Dolls, whose promoters were fined nearly $3,000 after the girl group wore too-skimpy outfits onstage and danced in a ‘sexually suggestive’ way.” [From E! News] I can’t believe any country would ever let the Pussycat Dolls perform if they could find a reason to keep them out. I think they’re too slutty for pretty much everywhere… except porn. They could do well in porn. Seriously, Beyoncé, covering up a bit won’t kill you. I’m not even saying this from Malaysia’s standpoint, I just mean it in life in general. I know I’m going to sound like grandma here, but must we expose our cleavage and our legs and our arms and our butt? Can’t it just be about the performance, instead of your booty? I mean I know the booty is nice, but will keeping it under wraps for just one night be so hard? Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Beyoncé leaving “TRL” on 02-28-07. Header image of "Beyoncé, actually looking decent and keeping her armpits to herself", at the party for Usher’s new fragrance last Tuesday.

No Girls For Tameka http://www.dlisted.com/ Usher has already confirmed that his wife, Tameka Foster, is holding a little baby boy. That's good news for Tameka since homegirl hates girls. At the Dream Concert a woman was overheard telling Tameka that she thought she was going to "have a girl." Tameka snapped back at her ass, "No girls for me. I hate girls!" Wow, well there you go. Bitch knows that any bio-girl standing next to her will make her look like the true man she really is. Let's be real, girlfriend looks like a dude in a wig. They know they are having a boy, because they already ordered it. Dudes can't give birth! I tried a million times already!

Don't Mess With The Wintour! http://www.dlisted.com/ Chupacabra Zoe infamously said, "Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say I'm more influential . . . As great as it is, Vogue won't change a designer's business. But if an unknown brand is worn by a certain person in a tabloid, it will be the biggest designer within a week." Well, Page Six is reporting that Chupa's agency, Magnet, has dropped her ass, because of that little comment. A source said, "They didn't want to anger Anna and Anna is more important to work with." Chupa told Page Six that she's the one that left and she wasn't dumped. And it starts! Anna Wintour will take everything from that Chupa. Well, almost everything. She can't take her good looks since it's obvious someone took that a long time ago. I have faith in Chupa though. She'll pull through. Nicole Richie better keep her baby away from her though, because I can already see Chupa licking her chops!

I'm Sure She's Heartbroken http://www.dlisted.com/ Kate Hudson probably finally realized she wasn't dating someone at her fame level. Sources tell OK! Magazine that Kate has dumped Dax Shepard and he didn't even know it! Dax apparently heard from a friend that Kate was over his ass. "Dax got a phone call about it from a friend. He's upset that she didn't bother to say anything to him." Kate was spotted last week "canoodling" with supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle in NYC. I'm sure Kate is just beside herself. Look at her with Dax. She looks so in love. Oh well, I'm sure Ron Burkle will buy her a jet to ease the pain.

OMG, the Dress… http://www.celebwarship.com/wp/index.php I know some of you are sick of hearing me fawn over Dita Von Teese, but I really can’t stop myself. Babygirl turned that shit out at the Macy Passport 2007 event in Santa Monica this week. The dress is divine.

LOL, poofball. I was thinking the same thing.