leaivory

He should have asked her to spend 30 minutes in a bathtub full of ice first. Or listen to his cd,deathwish will come all by itself

The Corpse Ride http://www.holymoly.co.uk/mailout.html A mole's friend slept with actor Jared Leto a while ago. His favourite sexual position? He asks the woman to lie on her back, close her eyes before announcing: "Lie still and pretend to be dead."

Hell on four wheels (and one leg) http://www.holymoly.co.uk/news/28/heather-...bitch-1351.html Don't think that just because Heather Mills has buggered off to the US for the time being she's become any more of a joy to have around. She has not. Currently living it up in the Hamptons while renting writer-director Nora Ephron's mansion, she's been getting parking tickets stuck to her car like mosquitoes to flypaper. Okay, so she may be a lopsided peg-leg, but she still has to get a disabled badge before parking wherever the fuck she likes, even in the super-rich Hamptons, though no one seems to have told the hatchet-faced misery this. "She's parking in front of fire hydrants and in handicapped zones without a handicapped tag," reports the New York Post, an organ about as fond of Mills as, well, pretty much everyone other than her lawyers. The Post continues: "The peg-legged 'Dancing With the Stars' hoofer recently showed an unimpressed town cop her prosthesis while he was writing up her white gas-guzzler. She was then photographed sticking her tongue out at him as soon as he turned his back." Very grown up, Heather. You must feel proud.

Ross Thinks British Food Sucks http://www.dlisted.com/ I know it's a Holiday weekend and all, but damn this news day has been BLEAK. I don't think most of you care, since some of you are probably already drunk. I envy you. Anyway, this is why I bring you a quote from David Schwimmer on British food. He told a British journalist, "You guys deep-fry everything. Even healthy British food like Shepherd's Pie makes you put on 20 pounds after every meal." Ironically, Ross is out promoting his new movie "Run, Fat Boy Run" which he shot in London. The thing is British food is amazing, because lots of things are fried and you know how I feel about that. There's a British joint by my house that deep fries Mars bars and I can eat that crap for breakfast. Ross also comes from the damn U.S. so he shouldn't talk about unhealthy food. I think we might have invented it. Where else can you get Cinnamon Roll French Toast?! That shit is delicious. Fried upon fried.

Factory Hurl http://www.mollygood.com/sienna-miller/fac...-hurl-20070831/ Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans maintain that they are not romantically involved, though these photos prove that they are alcoholically involved and, soon, will be pukingly involved, which is never good while romantically involved. That usually leads to being awkwardly involved and then being-asked-to-leave involved.

Fergie Wears Bright Colors, Strikes (Awkward) Poses http://popsugar.com/578138 Fergalicious showed off her new line of Kipling bags at a little photoshoot this week. Frankly, I much prefer to see the bags in a cute red carpet setting, but if they think this is what's going to sell it...more power to 'em. I suppose Fergie's purses are a little more g-l-a-m than Kipling's usual wear, but these ones in particular are a bit LOUD (okay, fine, ugly). I know Fergie herself sometimes makes fashion missteps, but I kind of expected something a little more demure out of her. That being said -- she does sometimes dress herself like this, so I guess I should have kept those expectations low. Still love her, just not her bags.

At Least He's Got Body http://www.dlisted.com/ Butterfaced Jerry O'Connell is a genius: “I felt a little guilty [for forgetting my wedding date], so I changed all my bank and security codes to my anniversary…..Um, Now I have to change them back.”

I thought it was a typo and should have read, "same sex stuff" Ummm that's how I read it at first, too! I should say I feel slightly guilty discussing this after his suicide attempt. I'll get over it though. No, I don't think it's a typo. It makes more sense (in the sentence) the way it stands. Very vague, though.

New York Minute http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/bwiddicombe/ Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson were spotted in business class together on a flight from Miami to Turks and Caicos for a romantic getaway. The couple went through customs together and were whisked off by a private driver.

Go, Chrissie!

The Real Story About Kate And Owen Last night I had a discussion with a woman who spoke to Owen several times over the past few weeks, was at his home this past week and has been in touch with Owen's brother Andrew over the past few days. This is what she had to say, almost word for word. Some of it is in the tabloids, but much of it isn't. This is a woman who has worked on several Wilson brother films and is very close to all three of them. Owen did indeed try to commit suicide over Kate, but its not totally her fault. They WERE in love. Because of Kate's divorce, she was the one insisting that everything stay very down-low and approached the situation like "will my big strong boyfriend protect me from the gossips?", which is why he went way overboard and threatened to sue anyone that talked about their relationship breaking up her marriage to Chris Robinson. Owen was pestering Kate to marry him. She was VERY committed to Owen and their relationship, but had no intention of agreeing to marriage seeing as how she married so young and wasn't even divorced yet . This made Owen very frustrated and he acted out by leaving her every so often and messing with other girls. She eventually got tired of the yo-yoing and broke up with him for real. Like most volatile type relationships, they were still messing around even though they never really got back together. One of those "they love each other so much they can't stay away, but neither is willing to do what it takes to make the relationship really work" type of things. So this was going on until Kate went crazy for Dax Shepard. Its killing Owen because Kate is obviously head over heels for Dax. She is even putting Dax ahead of her own son, which she wouldn't do for Owen (remember she insisted the relationship be kept quiet for her son's sake). She's even whispering to friends that Dax is "the one" and she might marry him f he asked and it got back to Owen. She stopped taking Owen's calls and no more booty calls, so Owen went into a pretty bad depression. Contrary to popular opinion, Owen is as moody and dark as his brother Luke, he's just not dramatic with it. He just gets very quiet and withdrawn when he's low and is not an asshole about it. Also contrary to opinion, Owen is not a doper. He'll take a toke or snort a line to be sociable, but he's not a regular user and he does not offer it in his home when he has parties and stuff. So the whole drug thing isn't really true. He did take some pills and mix it with alcohol (maybe more stuff, not sure) to try to "go to sleep", which is what he told his brother Andrew. My contact says as far as she knows it was just pills, but its possible that he may have slit his wrists as well, but she doesn't believe he did. She's going to try and find out today and let me know tonight. Owen has been drunk and hiding in his house for a week or more and his brother was there just to kinda keep an eye on him. She also said that Andrew had called several friends including her to come by to try to cheer him up or talk sense into him, which is how she knows this has been going on for at least a week, but Owen refused to see anyone, and just stayed locked up in his room. So in summary of what I've been told, Owen went into a depression over losing Kate for real, even though its his fault as well. His suicide attempt was more of an immature "you won't come back to me so I'm going to kill myself" thing. Not that attempted suicide for that reason is not serious, but the loss of the relationship is more than half his fault and Kate probably shouldn't be totally blamed for it. Oh yeah, as an addition. Luke really did have a thing for Kate as well, though nothing happened between him and Kate. Just some sibling rivalry BS really.

Stacy Ann Ferguson (born March 27, 1975)...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stacey_Ferguson She's 32... ...in dog years, maybe.

Blowing Chunks With Fergie Fergie Fug performed at the Minnesota State Fair on Saturday night and a Dlisted reader caught FF blowing chunks all over the Big Slide. Glamorous. Here's what my reader said: Fergie was at the MN State Fair on Saturday night. She had a concert at the main stage. My daughter and I were at the fair walking around, not realizing that she was there until we walked by one of the Radio stations broadcast booth and she was in the booth doing an interview. My daughter was geeked by the thought that she would be able to see Fergie in real life. We tried to see her, but there were too many people. Anyways, a while later my daughter decided that she wanted to go down the "giant slide". We made our way over there and while we were waiting in line on the steps going up to the top of the slide, we look up at the top and there is Fergie with 3-4 big body guard types about to go down the slide. Me and my daughter stood there and watched as the Fug went down the slide...then Fergie gets to the bottom and blows chunks!!!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! They had to close the slide down for about 20-30 minutes to get it cleaned up. She didn't even say sorry or anything, she just got up and her and the bodygaurds left. 2 year olds ride this slide over and over again and have no problem, but the bitch couldnt handle it. Sorry, didnt have my camera on me to get a pic of her blowing chunks. What is wrong with that girl?! Can't she keep her insides to herself. Damn, dispose of that crap in public. First, the pee and now the vom. Please don't tell me she's going to caca in public next. I just couldn't handle that. Meth turns your insides out.

Passing Fluids Just a few seconda ago, Cameron Diaz was dating John Mayer. Just a few seconds before that it was Criss Angel and then before that was Kelly Slater. Well, this week she's apparently dating Bradley Cooper. E! Online says they've been dating for the past couple of weeks which is weird, because wasn't Cam boinking John Mayer last week? SLUT! Sources say the two have been sending each other "flirty" text messages for the past couple of weeks. Flirty text messages? Amateurs. Get on the clam and do it like it should be done. Seriously, all these skanks date each other. Hollywood is full of sluts. It's a den of SIN! Everything's ungodly! Marguerite Perrin was right!

From the BI section: One of the nicest, most genuine and non-Hollywoodish couples I've ever met. Seriously, the sweetest peeps around and very close as a couple. Granted, it's been a couple of years since I've had a chance to observe them up close and personal and you never know. But I'd be incredibly shocked if this BI had anything to do with them. I really like them. Aside from professional adult stuff, a college friend went to high school with Kyra and just adored her. It's got to be someone else on this BI.

Mills says McCartney wants her back Sir Paul McCartney has reportedly changed his tune on ex-wife Heather Mills. Just seven months after the couple's acrimonious — and expensive — divorce was settled, sources have told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper the couple's daughter Beatrice is bringing them closer. Mills reportedly went so far as to tell a friend: "I think Paul wants me back." "The bond which has brought them back together is their little girl," the source said. "In the heat of the moment, a lot of hurtful things were said and done, but one thing Paul can't ignore is that Heather's a fantastic mum and Bea completely adores her. "That has changed Paul's thinking more than anything else." The turning point for the rumoured reconciliation came when McCartney offered an olive branch and apologised to Mills for his behaviour. "He changed very suddenly," the source was quoted as saying. "Heather was blown away. So much so that she told me: 'I know it sounds incredible, but I think he wants me back.'" But the infamous divorce settlement still looms on the horizon. Mills looks set to get a whopping $37 million lump sum pay out, followed by $8.6 million for every year until Beatrice turns 18.

DMX's House Raided--12 Dying Pit Bulls Seized The Maricopa County Sheriff's Department conducted a raid this morning at the Cave Creek, Arizona home of rapper/actor DMX. Relying on a tip, deputies entered the home and grounds and seized 12 pit bulls who were all sick and many close to death. DMX -- real name Earl Simmons was not at home at the time of the raid. This is not the first time DMX has had a problem taking care of his "pets." In 2002, DMX plead guilty to animal cruelty for neglecting 13 pit bulls. As part of that sentence he was required to film public service announcements speaking out against animal abuse. Guess he should have watched his own PSA's.

Dumbass II (Jamie Foxx Edition) So Jamie Foxx opened his stupid mouth and defended Michael Vick. Why are people acting like the O.J. jury? I always though Jamie Foxx was a dumbass but now I find him to be THE dumbass. Shut up and continue thinking you're Ray Charles, you pompous wackjob. "It's a cultural thing, I think," Jamie said. "Most brothers didn't know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn't know that was Fed time. So, mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star." "I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don't get time," Jamie continued. "I think in this situation, he really didn't know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt." What not to do? We're not talking cave paintings here. An adult male should know better than to torture animals. If your friggin' backyard is looking like doggie Dachau, there's an issue. Someone please send Ving Rhames' dogs to Jamie's house, too. Pinhead.

Miller's cross 24/08/2007 She's regularly pictured moving from one gorgeous bloke to the next, but Sienna Miller hotly rejects her "sleeparound" image. Wandering around in floppy, shapeless clothes, the 25-year-old was glum as she walked her dog near her home in Maida Vale in West London. Having dated lots of actors including Jude Law and Daniel Craig, and been linked to P Diddy, the actress was seen with Rhys Ifans this week. But Sienna strops: "I always hear things about me and different men. Is my nickname Sleeparound Sienna? I can assure you I'm not. And Rhys is crashing on my couch - we're not sleeping together." Who rattled her cage?

Desperate Housefugs Let's get one thing straight. Teri Hatcher looks great in this dress: But there's on thing that doesn't look good on even the dishiest man or woman, and that's a cloak of desperation, a fact that T Hatch kindly illustrated for us, using director Rod Lurie as her object of needy desire. To wit: Please Let Me Nuzzle You, a drama in four acts: TERI: I'm so happy to be here! I might have drank -- drunk? drinked? dranken? Whatever -- an entire bottle of Chambord this afternoon while watching season one of The Closer and crying. ROD: Teri smells like Kir Royales. I'm just going to pose for this picture and then make my escape. TERI: Rod, wasn't I AMAZZZZING on Commander in Chief? ROD: That was Geena Da -- never mind. Yes. You were great. TERI: I'M GONNA KISS YOU NOW. Just a leeeeetle kissy-poo. ROD: Oh, god. She's going to kiss me. How I am supposed to get out of this? Let's try denial. TERI: Almost there! ALMOST KISSY-TIME! KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSY TIME! ROD: Okay, I'm going to pretend this isn't happening. Look, the side of that building is just fascinating. TERI: BINGO! ROD: Oh, fine. My wife is going to kill me.

Why Can't You Just Keep Your Mouth Shut? Here's the problem with a lot of celebrities. They feel that their opinion matters. Just because you're asked the question doesn't mean you have to answer it. Sometimes not answering will save your ass. Access Hollywood's Shaun Robinson asked Jamie Foxx what he thinks about this whole Michael Vick thing. Instead of Jamie saying "It is what it is" or something like that, he said: “It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star. I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time. I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.” The thing is Michael Vick is a wealthy, educated man. He went to Virginia Tech. It's not like he stayed in the neighborhood. He went out in the world and got perspective and you would think that along the way he would've learned that hurting animals isn't such a good thing. Michael knew exactly what he was doing. It wasn't him being "naive." And just because people get away with crimes doesn't mean someone should get a slap on the wrist, because they didn't know the laws. But he'll get away with it. All those celebrities do!

Does anyone else think Richard Greico could fit the "80s star trying to sell the trashed drugs house" BI? Or any other BIs about an 80s star on drugs?

Fugary Duff When did Hilary Duff turn into Beyonce? Sure, there are worse things you could turn into -- like a newt, or Britney -- but it's a tad incongruous to see the Duffster strutting around on stage like she's just risen from the ashes of the Knowles Family Goodwill pile.

Lost In Your Fug So, here's the thing. I kind of can't decide if Debbie -- excuse me, DEBORAH -- Gibson here looks sort of cute in an updated version of what Carrie Bradshaw called The Naked Dress (you know, the one she wears on the side of the bus, and which she wears on her first date with Mr Big and then they have sex and she worries if she was too slutty etc etc etc and don't judge me for remembering that so well, I just saw that episode on KTLA while I was getting ready for bed the other night), or if she looks completely washed out in what is essentially a nude-colored towel: I do know that I hate her shoes with it. But we have another, more pressing, question, and that is the following: Is she dating former New Kid on the Block Jonathan Knight?!?!?!?!?!!?!?1111?!? (Ahem. Sorry.) And if so, does his former girlfriend and her former rival, Tiffany, care? And also if so, is that sort of secretly awesome, or what? And wouldn't it make a really good Lifetime movie? You know, two former teen sensations find love after fifteen years? It could be called At Long Last: A Love Song. I've just decided that it's true.

I believe porn mega star Jenna Jameson has retired. That said, I guess with her new found free time she's decided to turn herself into a duck. Her upper lip is now four times larger than Lisa Rinnas. I didn't think that was possible. Pair that duck bill with her new super stick thin frame and ... well... I hope she plans on staying retired.