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Love Duds Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen have been voted the worst screen couple of all-time in a recent poll. The poll rated screen couples who had the worst on-screen chemistry. Nat and Hayden led the pact for their lack of romantic chemistry in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones. Here's the list: 1. Natalie Portman & Hayden Christensen - Stars Wars: Episode II 2. Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck - Gigli 3. Keira Knightley & Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Madonna & Adriano Giannini - Swept Away 5. Catherine Zeta-Jones & Sean Connery - Entrapment 6. Andie MacDowell & Hugh Grant - Four Weddings and a Funeral 7. Kate Beckinsale & Ben Affleck - Pearl Harbor 8. Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise - Eyes Wide Shut 9. Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain 10. Kate Winslet & Leonardo DiCaprio - Titanic RECOUNT! Jake and Heath?! Where the hell was Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt for The Mexican?! Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves in Dracula?! I mean Jennifer Lopez alone could've taken the first 5 spots! El Cantante, Shall We Dance, Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner...it goes on and on!

Hot Meat Washing His Car I'm sorry, Zach Barf has to be one of the most unsexiest things on the planet. I'm the whore of whores and I don't even think I'd let that in. Ok, if I was really drunk, the bar was dark and my contacts dried up and fell out of my eyes, he would probably look semi-decent. He just looks like a bird. Bird mouths make the worst kissers. They kiss like they are sucking on a lemon. I know you would get with that though. Here's Zach washing his Porsche.

What's That Justin?! You look like you just saw Britney Spears without her busted hair extensions?! HAHAHA! Can you say "38-year-old mom starting a new life as a lesbian?!" Personally, I'm not loving it and I'm surprised her hair isn't fried to the scalp! Here is Justin outside his NYC restaurant last night.

Matt Damon Calls Out BFF Ben Affleck Ben Affleck and Matt Damon might be good friends, but Matt has no problem pointing out that his good friend might have been his own worst enemy when it came to his career. Damon, who is riding high on the success of his "Bourne" trilogy, talked about how he believes that his buddy went through a time in his life when he was so overexposed, he was having trouble getting moviegoers into seats. "He picked things that in hindsight weren't a good choice. "I also think that if you end up on the cover of gossip magazines you're f**ked. "When people see you all the time there's no mystery about you any more and no-one's going to want to go and see your movies." Now, on the surface, it seems like Matt might be talking some smack about his old friend, but I'm guessing from those LOADS of pictures from their double-date vacation in Hawaii recently, he's just being honest. At the same time, I bet Ben just looks at Matt and says, "Yeah, I made bad choices. But then again, I got to bang JLO during the Latin Explosion. I'm a part of history."

Sometimes Dykes And Bikes Don't Mix Not all dykes like bikes! Rosie O'Donnell wrote on her blog about her weekend encounter in Florida with a dude on his Harley. Rosie and her girlfriend, Kelly, were leaving a restaurant and while Kelly was backing the car out, the dude apparently flipped out. Here's what Rosie wrote. This shit is like art: along came a bald screaming infuriated man it's always a man i tell ya … as i buckled my belt he ran towards r car angry "MY MOTORCYCLE BLAH BLAH !!!" "chill dude - we didn't touch it" he got madder pupils big - snorting like a dragon FUCK LESBIANS he screamed the trump card always and we r supposed to cower to fall 2 r knees ashamed not good enough unworthy not tonight mr bald muscle man with a pimped out hog not tonight i stood up in the front seat hands above my head smiled and yelled CORRECT SIR - FUCKING LESBIAN!!! he stormed back to his table right there in the lincoln mall Rosie is one angry bitch! She eats too much sugar. If she laid off the sugar, she'd be more content. That's what my mother told me anyway. She said I'm a mean, nasty c*nt because I eat too much sugar. Makes sense. Rosie is all bark, no bite.

The Happy Ex Kate Hudson's ex and the father of her son, Chris Robinson, is apparently extremely happy that her boyfriend, Dax Shepard, has basically moved into her house. Sources have told Page Six that other family members aren't pleased, but Chris is into it. A source said, "Chris is thrilled because now he can have [their 3-year-old son] Ryder whenever he wants... Kate gets a little more distracted when new men come into her life." Kate's rep said it wasn't true. Chris is probably happy that someone else finally took that annoying slag off his hands. Dax also probably moved in, because he can't afford rent!

Ashlee Simpson is Jealous Pete Wentz and his fag hag girlfriend, Ashlee Simpson, celebrated Crobar Chicago co-owner Mike Matushcka's 40th birthday at Chicago's Hard Rock Hotel, and let's just say that the bottomless pit of need and insecurity must run in the Simpson family. Page Six reports: Simpson refused to let any girl come between herself and her man. When female fans tried to take their pictures with Wentz, Simpson "got whiny and dragged him away," a spy said." Please keep in mind that Pete Wentz is this guy. Yeah. Ashlee could've bought a room for Pete and any three of those female fans, locked the door, come back two hours later, and at worst found them painting each others toenails and talking about Zac Efron. OMG, he's sooo dreamy!

He's Finally Free To Be With Me That hot bitch of a man Jonathan Schaech's divorce to Kelly Bundy became final today. He filed for divorce in 2005 after a 4-year marriage. It was rumored at that time that Christina was boinking someone from NYC while she starred in "Sweet Charity" on Broadway. You must have tit milk for brains if you cheat on that piece of hotness. Us Weekly reports: As part of their divorce agreement, Schaech will receive a 2001 Mercedes convertible, the contents of numerous bank accounts, a cement Buddha, and one-time payment of $105,000 from Applegate. He has agreed to forego his right to collect spousal support. For her part, Applegate, who will next be seen starring in new ABC series Samantha Who?, will keep the couple's houses, her 2006 Lexus, and the contents of numerous bank accounts. DAMN! Are they broke?! A 2001 Mercedes Benz?! Do those even exist anymore? I know, I know. I don't even have a car, so I'll shut my damn mouth. 2001 Benz or Not...Schaech is mine! I'll gladly take Kelly Bundy's leftovers.

I know. She is one of those people who should never, never, never, never, NEVER wear their hair up!

I'd Cheat On Her Kate Hudson doesn't seem to believe in monogamy and she also thinks men have a hard time being monogamous. HELLO! Her mother is Goldie Hawn and her stepdad is Kurt Russell. I bet those two have threesomes and shit. "As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous. When people ask, 'Do you believe in monogamy?' Well, of course that's what you want. But part of what I love about men is that it's hard for them to be monogamous." "Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men. And vice versa." I don't agree with this bitch. I wouldn't generalize all men as being cheaters. Yeah, men cheat, but so do women. Especially in the internet age where you can easily get dick and pussy 24/7. When I look at my dog and I see him humping the shit out of his stuffed bunny and then walk away like it was the most meaningless thing in the world, it all makes sense to me. We're all like my dog. Every now and again you let your genitals do the talking and you just want to fuck the shit out of a stuffed bunny and walk away without any consequences. Some people choose to act on those desires and some don't. It's as simple as that! With that being said, didn't Kate cheat on her last husband?

Fugyonce Go Fug Yourself Everybody loves a disco ball. It's a wee sphere of glee. I have a small replica of one hanging from my ceiling right now, and it always makes me want either to boogie down or put on some roller skates. I'm going to name it "Beyonce." Because it would have been about as flattering if she'd just poked her legs and arms through an actual disco ball and worn it on-stage. Dreamgirls is over, B. Let it die with your Oscar hopes, okay?

I Hope That's What I Think It Is What possibly could Matthew McConagay have in his pants?! It either is a banana, tube socks, a dump or...maybe...just...maybe....naw...that bitch is hung like a mouse! A gay can dream, though! http://www.dlisted.com/

No More Mr. Nice Twat Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are no longer playing nice when it comes to custody and visitation rights of their daughters. Charlie wants to see Denise's call-girl ass in a court to try and get his visitation rights loosened. He no longer wants supervised visits. Denise has demanded that her nanny is at all the visits and friends of Charlie said this is so she can spy on him. Another source said that Denise is jealous of Charlie's new fiancee and that Denise has even asked Charlie to father another child for her. They also claim that Denise loves the spotlight and claimed she sent flowers to Charlie's fiancee after learning about their engagement, but never did. "Denise set it up. Brooke never got the flowers, but she did get a call from Denise saying, 'It's an emergency, come meet me now.' When Brooke met her, there were four paparazzi waiting to take their picture. After the pictures were done, Denise told Brooke, 'It's been taken care of.' " Denise told Page Six that the problem is Charlie and he's trying to mess up the custody agreement. "My mom is going through chemotherapy and I asked Charlie if my mom could see the kids before she got really sick. That's a valid request. He doesn't stick to the schedule he has with the kids - that's not my fault." "I don't want another child right now. I have my hands full and am focusing on my children, my mother and my career. I thought I was past all this stuff." Who do I trust?! I'll go with Denise. Her performance in "Wild Things" moves me to tears every time. http://www.dlisted.com/

This Should End Quickly Filed under: 50 Cent , Kanye West 50 Cent has accepted an offer to debate Kanye West about....whose album is better. This offer came from the hosts of BET's "106 & Park". Fitty was all up for it. Remind me to DVR this. What a beautiful and fitting tribute to everyone we lost on Sept. 11. A monosyllabic shill for two shitty albums. Weren't MC Hammer and Michael Jackson going to engage in something like this during the "2 Legit 2 Quit" days? Wait, that was a dance-off. Why don't these two pinheads have a dance-off? Superstar rappers Kanye West and 50 Cent will go head-to-head on September 11, the day both artists' sophomore albums land in stores. While fans of both rappers have relished in the friendly rivalry that seems to be brewing between the pair over the release date, 50 Cent has actually accepted a challenge to debate Kanye West on live TV. "I accept the challenge," 50 Cent told millions of viewers on Friday (August 3). "Kanye, he's not going to want to show up. Just don't be asking me if I am a conscious rapper. I know exactly what I am saying - so I am conscious." This isn't going to last long. Kanye is going to be all Ralph Lauren Silver Surfer Members Only Jacket with venetian blind shades and he's going to bound up and say something snotty. And Fitty will shoot him. What? Curtis is known for his gunplay! And he doesn't like the gays! Am I wrong? Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/07/this_s...end_quickly.php

Charlie Sheen Said Denise Asked for a Pretty Personal Memento of His Filed under: Charlie Sheen , Denise Richards Even though Charlie Sheen was apparently not good enough of a husband for Denise Richards, she does have to admit that he knows how to make some cute babies. At least, that's what it sounds like. According to Charlie, the rumors that his ex-wife requested a sperm donation from him in order to have more of his children "are true." He spoke with Entertainment Tonight on the subject, as well as his desire to change the couple's custody agreement. "I'm good enough to provide DNA but I'm not good enough to hire my own child care provider?" Oh snap! I love it! Charlie's fighting back and has no problem doing it publicly, which we here at ASL fully condone. Meanwhile, however, Denise is saying that it's a bunch of BS and she wouldn't want his stupid sperms even if they bought her eggs dinner. Richards has reportedly responded to the reports by stating: "I don't want another child right now." I wouldn't piss her off too much, though, Charlie. As much fun as it looks, that woman has devil eyebrows and probably likes to use sex as a weapon. And I've never really understood what the expression "use sex as a weapon" meant exactly, but I bet in Denise's case it means her vagina bites. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/07/charli...ento_of_his.php

Matt Damon Works Hard for Tha Money Filed under: Matt Damon The opening over the weekend for "The Bourne Ultimatum," was Matt Damon's best yet, and he is currently riding high on both the success of his most recent film, as well as his recent placement atop the Forbes Ultimate Star Payback list. The list takes the stars who have been most successful in earning back the money paid to them for their films. A film's net revenue is calculated and then divided by what the actor was paid for the movie. And so far, (not including the "The Bourne Ultimatum") Matt Damon is the number one celebrity on that list, boasting a $29 per dollar earning for each of his last three movies. However, Forbes is quick to point out that earning power, doesn't necessarily determine an actor's mass appeal. "The biggest stars in Hollywood are not the actors that deliver the biggest returns," Forbes senior editor Michael Ozanian said in a statement. Who cares? It's another fun listy-list and you know we all love us some lists! Go Matt Damon! I think I'm going to cash out my 401k and just buy some stock in him. And rocket shoes, of course. It's important to diversify. Photos from the "Bourne Ultimatum" Australian premiere: Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/07/matt_d...r_tha_money.php

Sienna Miller Does More Partying with Puff Daddy Filed under: Sean Combs , Sienna Miller Sienna Miller has claimed that she is, in fact, in love with a man, whose identity she refuses to reveal publicly just yet. However, she is adamant about who it isn't--namely, her good buddy, Puff Daddy. The two are sticking to their policy of "we're just friends" when it comes to dealing with he media about their relationship, but were spotted again recently, enjoying each other's company at the DC10 club in Ibiza, Spain. Sienna attempted to leave the club without drawing attention from the paparazzi, but didn't get the memo that flying under the radar usually means leaving the knee-high gold boots at home. After the two left the club separately, they attempted to keep the party going by heading up to Sienna's villa in the mountains of the Mediterranean island, just outside of San Antonio. I'm don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm sure they just really like to get together, have some friendly drinks and play some parcheesi now and then. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/07/sienna..._puff_daddy.php

Chris Rock Has Had Enough of Supposed Baby-Mama Filed under: Chris Rock Comedians and DNA tests seem to be very big these days. However, unlike Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock was proven not to be the father of the child that a woman is accusing the comedian and actor of fathering. Kali Bowyer claimed that Rock was the father of her 13-year-old son, claims which were disproven by a paternity test. And now, Chris and his wife, Malaak, have decided to speak out, releasing a joint statement. Here's an excerpt: Last week it was concluded through DNA testing that Chris is not the father of Ms. Bowyer's son. We have spent a tremendous sum to litigate this case and are asking our attorney to pursue all legal remedies against her. Additionally, we would like for any monies Ms. Bowyer has taken from the tabloid media based on this false story to be donated to Bulloch County, GA charities for the benefit of disadvantaged boys and girls. I can totally seeing this happen to me years down the road, once I've established an illustrious career as a famous blogger. All these baby-daddies are going to be showing up, claiming that I'm the mother of their children. Damn the wild life-style of my past/present! I'm going to end up having to pay for it later. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/chris_...ed_babymama.php

Gloria Allred Can Be Scary Filed under: Eddie Murphy A nervous Eddie Murphy has officially owned up to being the father of Scary Spice's baby. That press conference Hags #1 and #2 held the other day probably made him put down his "Chicks With Dicks" magazine and take note. Gloria Allred is a crusty vulture and she will bleed you like a Victorian-era leech treatment! In an atypically forthcoming statement released by usually reticent spokesman Arnold Robinson, Murphy "acknowledges paternity of the child Angel and has paid child support to Ms. Brown, as well as covering the expenses of her pregnancy." "Eddie Murphy always has and will continue to honor his responsibilities as a father." Did he pay AFTER the fact? Because those ladies made it sound like he hadn't lifted a finger before then. The spokesperson also disputed Mel B.'s claim that Angel Iris Murphy Brown was a planned pregnancy. Not so, says Eddie's camp. Gloria Allred has said that Eddie has not indicated if he's going to visit the baby or not. He's not going to come anywhere near that baby if your broomstick is parked out front, Hagatha! Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/gloria...an_be_scary.php

Roseanne's Pissed That She Didn't Get The Gig Filed under: Roseanne Roseanne was up for the empty "View" seat that Whoopi got. She's taken to her blog to swipe at Barbara Walters. She doesn't mention "The View" situation, but she does mention that Barbara is all head. OMG, so am I! Am I an ancient newswoman with a lisp? Damn these Irish genes! I'm like an orange on a toothpick! Well, not exactly a toothpick but still - big melon. What? I like Roseanne, but she's out her damn mind. Barbara Walters is well over one hundred years old now. She is all head, like joan rivers. I am only at the pee in your pants stage of old ladyism, but look forward to having a huge head in the future. I have seven pigs on my farm and want to eat them! They hide in the grass and hump each other when they think I am not looking...I am getting a shotgun tomorrow, not for the piggies, but just to have, though I wonder if my past mental illnesses will make getting a gun tougher? I will shoot anyone who comes on my land, since I just put up gates that say "no trespassing... trespassers shot on sight"... I cannot wait to shoot someone if need be...right between the eyes. I am a damn good shot too! I once blew a quarter in two at one hundred feet! I need glasses these days to make sure the head wound will be fatal. I hate to see anyone suffer! Her neighbors better duck. This is an angry, drunk bitch with a gun! And no, it won't make it any tougher getting a gun. I went shooting at the target range for a bachelor party this past weekend. And I'm as crazy as Britney. I just wasn't blessed enough to be hot in the beginning, hence I am without her money. Uh, this post went ALL over the place. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/rosean...get_the_gig.php

Cameron Diaz and Jude Law Say They're Just Friends Filed under: Cameron Diaz , Jude Law Friends with benefits! Actually, that's not what they said at all. But still, I've planted the seed in your minds! Now, let the gossip grow! According to Jude Law, any stories that he and his "The Holiday" co-star are romantically involved are a load of poppycock. Well, he didn't use the phrase "poppycock," but since he's British, I'd like to think that he might as well have. According to his rep: He hasn't seen her for months. They're friends but that's it." Yeah, after all that Criss Angel estranged wife nonsense, Cammie really needs to avoid dudes with excessive baggage. Oh, what do I care? We could stand to use a train wreck around here. Things have been much too quiet lately. Somebody needs to sleep with the nanny/have a good public screaming match and liven things up. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/camero...ust_friends.php

Cameron Diaz and Jude Law Say They're Just Friends Filed under: Cameron Diaz , Jude Law Friends with benefits! Actually, that's not what they said at all. But still, I've planted the seed in your minds! Now, let the gossip grow! According to Jude Law, any stories that he and his "The Holiday" co-star are romantically involved are a load of poppycock. Well, he didn't use the phrase "poppycock," but since he's British, I'd like to think that he might as well have. According to his rep: He hasn't seen her for months. They're friends but that's it." Yeah, after all that Criss Angel estranged wife nonsense, Cammie really needs to avoid dudes with excessive baggage. Oh, what do I care? We could stand to use a train wreck around here. Things have been much too quiet lately. Somebody needs to sleep with the nanny/have a good public screaming match and liven things up. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/camero...ust_friends.php

Gold-Digger 1, Usher's Mama 0 Filed under: Usher Usher and his fiancee made it official in his lawyer's office on Friday. That's romantic. If you'll recall, he and Tameka Foster had to cancel their previously scheduled ceremony due to an alleged scare with her pregnancy. Chins are wagging that there was also an issue with Usher's mother. Who HATES Tameka Foster and everything she stands for. The two reportedly exchanged vows in the office of his lawyer - a far different affair than the event planned for last weekend at music mogul L.A. Reid's Sagaponack, N.Y., home. The couple had spent $10,000 on invitations alone, and had lined up singer Robin Thicke to perform and renowned chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten, along with Sylvia's of Harlem, to cook. "It would have looked amazing," one source said of the plans. But now they can remember this beautiful day by reminiscing about the lawyer's letter opener, and how romantic it was to hear his secretary arguing with the UPS man. Why didn't they just reschedule? 10K on invites? Have they heard of Itzaparty? Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/golddi...hers_mama_0.php

B-Listers Are Crazy Filed under: Denise Richards So everyone knows the saga of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Both seem nuts, and sorta the king and queen of the b-list universe in that they get a lot of ink and haven't done much to deserve it. Anyway, they're divorced from each other and everything seemed fine. But sources are saying Denise is pissed because Charlie has a new girl and Denise might have to kidnap somebody's daughter and take her on a roller coaster. Sheen is trying to haul Richards into L.A. Family Court to get looser visitation rights with his daughters, Lola and Sam, that won't require him to be supervised. Richards is opposed to leniency. "She's doing everything she can to keep his visits supervised by her nanny, because her nanny spies for her," one Sheen pal said. Part of the problem, the friend says, is that Richards "wants another child - she even asked Charlie to be the father. Denise is very jealous of [sheen's new fiancée] Brooke [Mueller] and craves the spotlight." Ewww. Charlie Sheen needed to hang onto that aura of hotness when he talked to Jennifer Grey in the police station in "Ferris Bueller". Of course, he was like 18 then but he had it going on. There's also some wacky bullshit about Denise basically stalking Charlie's chick and arranging a photo op of them together. Denise denies all this. What's not being asked is who gives a shit about these people and why does Charlie have a hit sitcom? With Ducky? Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/blisters_are_crazy.php