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Torn Between Two Fine Ass Men Filed under: Jake Gyllenhaal , Reese Witherspoon , Ryan Phillippe We should all have this bitch's problem. Despite reports that she was once again entertaining Jake Gyllenhaal's spandex goodness in her automobile and home, sources are saying that she's trying to make things work with her cherubic sex god ex-husband, Ryan Phillipe. This chick has it all. Movie career, beautiful children, and two hot guys interested in her. Why doesn't she just win the lottery or ascend to godhood? I'm a hater. The Oscar-winning cutie and her husband - who separated last October amid reports he'd grown very close to comely Australian actress Abbie Cornish - have been spotted shopping, jogging and lunching together in Los Angeles. "They met for lunch this week at the Votre Sante health-food restaurant, a regular Brentwood haunt for Reese on San Vicente," said our source. "And they're going on runs together around the Brentwood Country Club. Both are regular, dedicated runners. Running is a very healing, meditative thing, so maybe it will work its magic on them." Honestly, I see people out running lately in August's 9,000 heat and I don't feel like it's magic. I feel like some of these freaks' brains are boiling in their skulls and they're going to start bleeding out their eyes. Physically fit people are crazy. Have a drink. That works wonders, too. Anyway, a friend of Reese's confirms they're hanging. Phillipe's rep flat out denied it. So that Ryan can tongue-lash any new piece that comes along while hanging with Reese and then can deny there was a try at getting back together. As for Gyllenhaal, sources say he has a hot ass and sexy hound dog eyes and needs to call me. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/06/torn_b...ine_ass_men.php

I'll Take Chris Over Justin Any Day She-Hulk, Jessica Biel, might be cheating on Justin Timberlake with that hot ass bitch Chris Evans. According to Star Magazine, while Justin is busy touring in Europe Jessica has been caught "canoodling" with her ex-boyfriend Chris. Sources say the two exes met up at a mutual friend's wedding where they got cozy and made out. A source said, “It looked as if they were completely absorbed with one another. From what I could see, Jessica hardly left Chris’ side. They were holding hands and cuddling all night - even trading little kisses! They sat together and even walked to the bathroom together. Everyone was shocked because we thought she was dating Justin. But it didn’t look like she was thinking about him that night - she was consumed with Chris…” This same source said they left together and it looked like they were going to go have sex. HAHAHA! They were probably just going to go work out together. Jessica can spot him. http://www.dlisted.com/

I'll Take Chris Over Justin Any Day She-Hulk, Jessica Biel, might be cheating on Justin Timberlake with that hot ass bitch Chris Evans. According to Star Magazine, while Justin is busy touring in Europe Jessica has been caught "canoodling" with her ex-boyfriend Chris. Sources say the two exes met up at a mutual friend's wedding where they got cozy and made out. A source said, “It looked as if they were completely absorbed with one another. From what I could see, Jessica hardly left Chris’ side. They were holding hands and cuddling all night - even trading little kisses! They sat together and even walked to the bathroom together. Everyone was shocked because we thought she was dating Justin. But it didn’t look like she was thinking about him that night - she was consumed with Chris…” This same source said they left together and it looked like they were going to go have sex. HAHAHA! They were probably just going to go work out together. Jessica can spot him. http://www.dlisted.com/

Eddie Murphy Admits To What Has Already Been Scientifically Proven DNA tests already revealed that Eddie Murphy was the father of Murphy Brown, his daughter with Scary Spice. He's finally admitting it. He also claims he's paid Scary child support. He issued this statement through his spokeswhore: "Mr. Murphy acknowledges paternity of the child Angel, and has paid child support to Ms. Brown as well as covering the expenses of her pregnancy. Mr. Murphy and Ms. Brown dated very briefly and never made any plans of ANY sort." Scary told Essence that the pregnancy was planned. Eddie has already moved on and is engaged to Tracey Edmonds. Screw him Scary! GET THAT CASH and spend spend spend!!! Drain his ass. Take that rock off of Tracey's finger, pawn it and by Murphy Brown a diamond-encrusted rattle! http://www.dlisted.com/

That Other Willis Girl Screw Rumer. I'm into Scout Willis. She's actually the most attractive of all the Willis girls. She's a hot bitch. Anyone that will take a men's undershirt and belt it is A-OK by me. I was also never into Brucie, but that bitch is looking sexier and sexier with age. I bet the pubes are graying though. Here's Bruce and Scout out and about in my fair Hamlet last night. http://www.dlisted.com/

Attention Whores Eddie Murphy's two exes, Nicole Murphy and Scary Spice, met up for lunch at a quiet little out-of-the-way bistro yesterday called THE IVY! Those girls are so private. A source said, "They seemed really friendly toward one another. They had a pretty private meal in the back corner, away from all of us." Eddie's two kids also joined their mommies for lunch. Attention whores to the max. Scary needs the press for her paternity suit against Eddie and Nicole needs the publicity...for I don't know what. Nicole needed the lunch though. Homegirl is looking gaunt! http://www.dlisted.com/

"Did He Ask You To Wear A Strap-On, Too?" Filed under: Eddie Murphy Eddie Murphy must be running scared. His ex-wife and his current angry baby mama got together and had lunch. And got along really, really well. There was laughing and air kisses. And I'm sure there was a lot of comparing notes. Some notes about trannie fetishism! Mel B. and Eddie's ex-wife Nicole Murphy had a sit-down. This doesn't bode well for Axel. Scary Spice was spotted Thursday meeting up with Nicole Murphy - Eddie Murphy's ex-wife and the mother of five of his children - at Beverly Hills eatery the Ivy, where the pair laughed over bottled water and lunch. "They seemed really friendly toward one another," says an onlooker of the pair, who wore curve-hugging dresses and posed for cameras outside. "They had a pretty private meal in the back corner, away from all of us." As you know, Mel B. has hired crone lawyer Gloria Allred to get as much scratch out of Eddie as possible. And obviously she's digging deep into his life if she's hitting up the ex-wife for info. Eddie's going to hear about this and immediately fire the ladyboy cleaning woman he just hired to scrub the floors while he watches intently. Seriously, I'd feel bad but he thought it was real funny back in the 80's to say some fairly shitty things about homos. So he can suck it! And apparently has. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/03/did_he...strapon_too.php

Polar Opposites? Photographers snapped Dita Von Teese shopping in LA with her sister yesterday. I’m not sure why, but I never would have guessed that woman on the right would be Dita’s sister. Don’t get me wrong: they’re both gorgeous, but the sister looks like waltzed out of a Lily Pulitzer ad. http://www.celebwarship.com/wp/?p=3680

Mel B. Explains Her Bid For Riches Filed under: Eddie Murphy Eddie is so screwed. So Scary Spice and her crone attorney held a press conference. Which is the way you want to go to embarrass a dude into forking over wads of cash. But I don't think Eddie embarrasses that easily. He was caught with a ladydude in his car, and explained it away as giving her a ride because she had a flat or something. Surprisingly Eddie doesn't normally run a taxi service for trans women and hasn't started one to back that story up. Anyway, Mel B. ran to the press with this little ditty: Brown, wearing a white dress, told the gathered reporters, "I am here for one reason and one reason only - her name is Angel. Angel is my baby and Eddie's. She will always know that she was planned and wanted by both of us, but I want her to know that she has two parents who desire to be responsible for her during her life and who love her so much that they want to be a part of it." If you wanna be my windfall! Gloria Allred was much more of a hag about the whole thing, and snarled about how Ed hasn't paid a cent yet he could afford to buy his new chick a large rock for their engagement. Speaking of that, has anyone checked under her hood yet? Did he meet that one "giving her a ride"? Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/mel_b_..._for_riches.php

Murphy Brown Needs Dough Scary Spice and her lawyer, Gloria Allred, held a press conference this afternoon to discuss their paternity suit against Eddie Murphy. Scary basically wants child support and for her kid to have a daddy. Blah blah blah Gloria said she wants to legally establish that Eddie is the father of Murphy Brown. She said, "We've had communication with his attorney, and now we're moving forward." "Murphy was promising to do the right thing, but to date he has not done the right thing. Mr. Murphy can have all the babies he chooses to have, but his responsibility needs to be to his own children. [brown] is seeking sole physical and legal custody." DNA tests back in June revealed that Eddie was Murphy Brown's bio-father, but legal paternity has not been acknowledged. That's all fine and everything, but Gloria is rich...right? Like really rich? So why can't she fix that nose! It's totally pointing one direction. I'm sorry, but if I was a judge I just couldn't take a woman with a nose that crooked seriously. Call me vain and then call me sexy, but you can call me vain first. http://www.dlisted.com/

It Would've Been Great TV Producer Mark Burnett reportedly offered Rosie O'Donnell $2 Million for 12 days work on Donald Trump's "The Apprentice: Celebrity Edition." Rosie would've come face to face with the Donald. A source claims Rosie turned it down FLAT and said she wouldn't do it for "$200 Million." What about 200 donuts? Did Donald think of that? I bet not! Rosie's rep said, “It will never happen in this lifetime or beyond.” They should ask her again in 6-months. Her number's coming up! http://www.dlisted.com/

Tameka's Skills Suck Details and rumors are slowly coming out each day about why Usher and Tameka Foster did not get married on Saturday. Tameka's camp claims that she had "baby issues" all weekend. Usher's sources claim he could not get married without his mother there and flew to Atlanta to be with her. Usher's momma and Tameka HATE each other. Usher and Tameka were spotted outside the Mandarin Oriental hotel two nights ago where they told reporters that the "baby was fine" and the wedding is back on, but they haven't settled on a new date. A source claims that Tameka used the "baby scare" as a way to get Usher to talk to her and they aren't sure she had a scare at all. They say Tameka is trying to spin this in her favor. "Tameka is using a publicist and is trying to smooth this whole thing over in her favor. She made sure those magazines got their photo op with her and Usher after they left the Mandarin Oriental." Tameka is doing a really bad job of trying to nab her man! Just force him to elope in Las Vegas. It's not hard! Hmmm....maybe Tameka is a dude? That would make sense, because Usher looks like he enjoys a little prostate tickle every now and again. http://www.dlisted.com/

Old Rag Isn't Happy! Yesterday, Dreamboat Petey Doherty told The Mirror that he still loved "old rag" Kate Moss and that he wanted to get back together. Old Rag apparently flew into a rage after hearing Petey's new nickname for her. Why is she mad? I love it! Sources told The Daily Mail t hat she "had a screaming fit, smashed pictures and threw a wine glass at a wall when she heard that the singer had made a desperate rambling, and very public plea to get the supermodel her back in his life." She's pissed off that Dreamboat gave an interview to the same paper that published those infamous photos of her snorting coke. Zing! Kate apparently is afraid Dreamboat might spill more beans and might possibly buy his silence. Dreamboat still wants to win Kate back and had stomach implants put in to stop him from doing heroin. Stomach implants? What the hell is that. This is even too much for me. It's like a damn roller coaster. I will say that Petey's new hair color is the perfecet shade of BARF! http://www.dlisted.com/

Rosie And Star On Whoopi Filed under: The View , Whoopi Goldberg Everyone appears to be digging Whoopi on "The View" including her two predecessors, Big Ro and Bypassed Star. It's chilling when everyone gets along and agrees on something. Give it time, though. I think the "View" might be able to actually drive sane people crazy and turn them into fire-breathing soapbox junkies. Whoppi, guard yourself! Bring your place of gladness with you! And when Hasselbeck starts speaking, sing showtunes in your head! Don't show any emotion! That's what that bitch feeds on! "Whoopi is fantastic in every way and perfect for the job," says Rosie."She's amazing and one of my favorites." "Whoopi is a smart women with an opinion, and an excellent choice, says another former "View" co-host, Star Jones Reynolds That's sweet. *crickets*. Yeah, you get off "The View" and suddenly you act all sane and shit. It's disconcerting. Somebody say something we can write about. Oh, here's something. Sources say that Sherri Shepherd was the other front-runner for the job but ABC was balking at giving her Whoopi's alleged 2 million dollar salary. I don't blame them. Who the f*ck is Sherri Shepherd? Is that the woman who works at the Dunkie's down the street from me?*sigh* Now I feel better. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/rosie_...r_on_whoopi.php

Rosie Turned Down $2 Million Offer to Appear on "The Apprentice" Filed under: Rosie O'Donnell , The Apprentice She may not have been able to snag "The Price is Right" hosting gig she had her eye on, but that doesn't mean Rosie O'Donnell wants any hand-outs! Much less, those from her arch nemesis, Donald Trump. Mark Burnett's people reportedly tried to entice Rosie to make a guest appearance on celebrity edition of "The Apprentice" by offering the former co-host of "The View" $2 million. But Rosie wouldn't bite. Her appearance "would have entailed 12 days altogether." However, "O'Donnell turned Trump down flat. 'I wouldn't do it for $200 million,' Rosie was said to have responded." She's a busy woman as it is, people! Does the world think that these wacky, celebrity-based poems are going to write themselves? For the love of all that is holy, there are enemies to be squelched, Amy Winehouse songs to sing and headbands to be worn. The woman can barely squeeze in a cruise here and there. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/rosie_..._apprentice.php

Scary Spice Sues Trannie Afficionado Filed under: Eddie Murphy Mel B. must have gotten pissed off that he got engaged. She's decided to take the father of her baby, Eddie Murphy, to court on a paternity suit! People of the world! Spice up your child support! Well, he pretty much dared her when he went on TV in Europe and said she was a lying-ass bitch prior to the DNA test. He'd better get his mind off cocks in frocks and back in the game! She's goin' after that Axel Foley money! Scary Spice is going after Eddie Murphy in court, claiming he isn't owning up to his responsibility as a dad. Melanie Brown will file a paternity suit against Murphy, according to ubiquitous lawyer Gloria Allred. Allred will hold a news conference -- imagine that! -- claiming Murphy's conduct since learning Brown was pregnant was "shocking and appalling." Oh yeah, she saw the engagement ring he placed on that other chick's finger and all bets were off. And why does this Gloria Allred bitch show up at every legal turn in Hollywood? Is it because the O.J. lawyers are dead? If I have to see her aged mug on E! News one more time....good lord. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/scary_...afficionado.php

Kate Moss Pissed that Her Junkie Ex Keeps Talking Shit Filed under: Kate Moss , Pete Doherty Pete Moss thought it might be a good way to win his ex, Kate Moss, back by giving an interview in which he describes her as a "nasty old rag," and following his claims her violence against him with a declaration of his love. Shortly thereafter, Doherty claimed that his public exclamation of love for Kate was not an attempt to win her back and he now claims that he's hooked up with a French model named Christine and that his new girlfriend has agreed to marry him. And now, Kate is apparently furious at Doherty's insistence on publicly airing the couple's dirty laundry, as well at his most recent claim that a drunk and sentimental Kate recently phoned him to leave a voicemail of her singing Moon River to him. A source close to Kate revealed to the Daily Mirror: "She is furious that it all makes her look so pathetic when she is the one that has cleaned herself up and dumped him. He has been sending her notes and presents via various people but she has never opened them because she recognises the writing. "Kate's rage has now subsided into tears and she is slightly panicking that he is going to do something more aggressive in his pathetic attempt to get her back." The thought that most disturbs Kate is the possibility that Pete will decide to go ahead with a thorough tell-all, as she believes that he is receiving a considerable amount of money to go public about the details of their relationship. "She is going mad with anger - there no other way to describe it. He kept diaries and took pictures of them both. "There is a lot that could potentially come out. Her aides - like her manager Sarah Dukas - have taken a sharp intake of breath, thinking the whole thing they have built up could come tumbling down." Ooh, Kate. I have a feeling you're in for a world of hurt because that man is probably willing to sell his legs if he thought he could get a decent price for them. I really hope for her own sake that that Christine chick is made up. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/kate_m...alking_shit.php

Beyonce on Dancing in Heels Filed under: Beyonce Beyonce talked to the Associated Press about all sorts of subjects, her decision to employ all women on her current tour, dealing with negative press and, in an indirect way, her recent fall on-stage at a concert in Orlando. Even though, the former Destiny's Child member took a tumble down some stairs during a performance, but managed to jump and continue the show without so much as blinking an eye, her record label hunted down every single piece of embarrassing footage of the fall on the Internet to prevent its dissemination. "The easiest part is dancing in the heels," she says. "I don't even think about it anymore; it's just second nature. But it is difficult to dance, to sing at the same time. I have to make sure I'm in shape and I'm hydrated ... I don't want to wear myself out and get exhausted." To be fair, I can barely walk in high-heels without eating asphalt. To be honest, I can barely iron without burning myself extensively. Let's be honest here, I'm a barely functioning idiot. I didn't even write this. My trained monkey did. Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/beyonc...ng_in_heels.php

It's Official Filed under: Barbara Walters , The View , Whoopi Goldberg Barbara Walters officially announced Whoopi Goldberg as Rosie's replacement today. She will start in the fall. I still think Courtney Love would have been tremendous, but they would have had to hire someone to be in charge of rousing her between commercial breaks. "I have known Whoopi for years," Walters said in a statement released today. "She is brilliant, funny and irrepressible, and is an enormously popular and talented star. We are delighted that she is going to join the program as our moderator. This is going to be a great new chapter for 'The View.'" Whoopi will do fine. She'll probably be a little less touchy than Rosie, but I still can't see her having a problem with jumping ugly on Hasselbeck now and then. It's actually a good thing that they're keep Hasselbeck, otherwise this should would be twitless and not as interesting. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/its_official.php

Usher's Post-Canceled-Wedding Damage Control Filed under: Usher Following the cancellation of their Hamptons wedding, things were looking pretty rocky between expecting couple, Tameka Foster and R&B singer, Usher. Initially, Usher flew by himself to Atlanta to see his mother, Jonetta Patton, and was soon followed by Foster. Tameka, at that point, told People magazine that over the weekend, she'd experienced some sort of health scare in regards to her unborn child, but rumor has it that it's all much ado about nothing. Sources reveal that Foster is simply utilizing this excuse as a "ploy to get Usher to talk to her," and are skeptical of any supposed "scare." From the New York Daily News: Says another source in the anti-Foster faction: "Usher wouldn't speak to Foster -- and that's when she told him there were problems with the baby. She just wanted to get him to talk to her again." In addition, Foster has hired a publicist to attempt to smooth over the canceled wedding fracas and to work on presenting the image of her and Usher as a couple on the way toward reconciliation. "She made sure those magazines got their photo op with her and Usher after they left the Mandarin Oriental" yesterday, said the source. OK, all of this is sounding so incredibly sketchy on the part of Usher's fiancée. You know Mama Usher is all, "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to wish those gay rumors were true. At least I know he wouldn't be out, getting some man pregnant." Posted by: Lisa Timmons http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/01/ushers...age_control.php

KELSEY GRAMMER: A MENSCH IF THERE EVER WAS ONE Filed Under: Kelsey Grammer Kelsey Grammer must be the perfect husband. He's one of the richest men in Hollywood thanks to his two long running series (Cheers and Frasier) and he has a new sitcom with Patricia Heaton, "Back to You" debuting this fall. Yet he STILL has time to run out and pick up dinner to go for the wife and kids at Nobu. Posted by Janet Charlton on July 29, 2007 6:56 PM

OWEN WILSON PLAYS THE FIELD AND CATCHES MARY-KATE OLSEN Filed Under: Mary Kate Olsen > Owen Wilson Mary-Kate Olsen was sitting outside at Opera the other night and the table was littered with Grey Goose bottles. She was in a good mood and Owen Wilson drifted over and struck up a conversation with her. A few giggles later they were getting along so well that he had his arm around her. He asked for her phone number and she gave it to him. But shortly thereafter he resumed circulating around the club and picked up a few MORE numbers. Limited attention span? Posted by Janet Charlton on July 30, 2007 3:07 PM

Usher Not Trimming His Beard Filed under: Usher Usher is insisting that the wedding is still a go. Keep your gifts, handy. It ain't over yet. Despite the fact that his Moms hates her with a fiery passion, Usher still plans to marry Tameka Foster. Tameka is with child, allegedly his, and he claims everything is fine. The singer exclusively tells Usmagazine.com that it's only a matter of time before they walk down the aisle. "As of right now we don't have a date but we will let you know when we do." Multiple newspaper and online outlets speculated that the cancellation was due to bad blood between Foster and Usher's mother, recent reports about Foster's criminal past, and Foster's resistance to signing a prenuptial agreement. However, a source close to the couple dismisses the rumors. "People are just hating," says the insider, who reveals the real reason they postponed the wedding was due to a pre-term labor scare. Tameka was admitted to the hospital this past Friday due to the baby scare, but she's fine now and due in the fall. People ARE just hating. Let her dig the gold with a baby-shaped shovel! He needs to be more worried about salvaging his relationship with his mother. Hell hath no fury like a momma scorned. He doesn't want that karma. Posted by: J. Harvey http://socialitelife.com/2007/07/31/usher_...g_his_beard.php

Oh No She Didn't!!! Why can't Rosie O'Donnell keep her fingers SHUT! She's gone off again and this time she's gone after Paula Abdul. Paula is an angel sent from God! Well....angel sent from a Vicodin bottle. Here's what that Rosie had to say on her blog: right now paula abdul would yell action and the result would be what we all see there r times u r so broken fragile pain filled love less desperate raw vulnerable so needy for love the black hole satan vortex gains and drains eventually were we brave enuf or stoned enuf to allow access to the swampy crazy part hey paula we cringe at r selves thru u an interior designer top of her game home maker of the stars a hairdresser arrives and nods yes yes i know her so money wasted - time - talent no no no she cries did u know u were creating for me? she asks the insulted artist and blah blah blah good god the worst of us all It's called entertainment!!!!! Yes, Paula is all sorts of crazy, but I like her that way! It's not like she's driving around smashing into poles or getting arrested. She's keeping her crazy indoors! Rosie needs to lighten the EFF up. http://www.dlisted.com/

These Two Are A Mess Tameka Foster has spoken out to People Magazine to set the record straight (sort of) on why she didn't marry Usher on Saturday. She said, "No one knows why we canceled the wedding, but I can tell you that all of the reasons that everyone is speculating and writing about are completely untrue." Tameka admitted that they had a pregnancy "scare" but that the baby is alright. She is due to pop this Fall. I was reading the comments on other sites about this whole debacle and most people seem to think that Tameka is a dude and she's not really pregnant. Stranger things have happened. I still think they probably got married in private. http://www.dlisted.com/