Jessica Alba

[BobbyD 2]

Big fame, little talent

These folks are all famous, but do they have the chops to back it up?

 

COMMENTARY

By Alonso Duralde

MSNBC film critic

 

Dane Cook is starring in a new movie. Again. Not letting the fact that he’s not the slightest bit funny get in the way of his career as a comedian, Cook moved on to stinking up multiplexes across the nation with “Employee of the Month” and “Mr. Brooks,” and now he’s back with “Good Luck Chuck” and, before year’s end, “Dan in Real Life.” If you’ve ever watched Cook do stand-up or host “Saturday Night Live,” it’s apparent that his only real talent is in accruing MySpace friends and stating the obvious while making goofy faces.

 

And yet, somehow, he’s a movie star. But it shouldn’t really be all that surprising. The history of show business is littered with people who achieve the heights of fame without having any real talent whatsoever. (As you read this, Fergie’s album has jumped back into the Top 10.) To find out which celebs least deserve to have magazine covers and their own fragrances, a group of industry insiders, journalists and bloggers were asked to name the least talented famous people. (And since some of them would like to work in this town again, they have been assured anonymity.)

 

Oh, and one thing to clear up: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were disqualified, since neither of them really do anything.

 

 

Jessica Alba/Jessica Biel/Jessica Simpson

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Thank goodness for talented “Arrested Development” co-star Jessica Walter, or the passing of Jessica Tandy might make one think there’s some kind of curse on the name. Alba “made a career out of looking hot in bellyshirts,” sniffs P., a model. “Is she hot? Yes. Is she talented beyond that? No.”

 

B., a critic and writer, notes that “Biel was interesting for five minutes when she was posing for lad mags and being all, ‘I was on ‘7th Heaven,’ but now I’m naughty!’ But her performance in ‘I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry’ made me want to put popcorn in my ears.”

 

And then there’s Simpson, whose career highlight was cutely mistaking tuna for chicken. “She is a double threat in that she can neither sing nor act, yet insists on doing both,” according to blogger R.

 

 

Adrian Grenier

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Consensus indicates that the “Entourage” star is the luckiest little boy in Tinseltown, with phrases like “must have a powerful agent” and “won the lottery” popping up more than once. “All he has to offer is good eyes,” says filmmaker Z.

 

“If it weren’t for a strong, funny and engaging supporting cast,” declares author H., “Adrian would be flipping burgers and filling napkin dispensers.”

 

Blogger J. has a problem with Grenier’s role as a hot, rising movie star on the HBO show: “I can’t imagine him carrying all those films his character gets cast in.”

 

Also having a hard time making that leap is actor T., who observes, “I saw him from behind at the gym once, and I thought he was a chick. I’m no sci-fi nut, but that’s not Aquaman.”

 

Elton John

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Granted, he’s not an actor, but he’s always been the most theatrical of musicians. And his contributions to so many Disney cartoons made him a top vote-getter among those surveyed. “Elton John’s been pumping out the dreck for decades now,” says L., a freelancer and mom who, like all parents, has had to listen to the “Lion King” score more than any human should. “He was better in the ’70s as a drugged-up, frustrated, closeted dude when Bernie Taupin was writing his stuff.”

 

Model P. isn’t even particularly fond of Sir Elton’s golden years, noting, “Elton John made his career on the creative ideas of others. He was fake glam, ripping off all his ideas from early Roxy Music and Bowie, but watered down to appeal to the U.S. market. And he’s got an annoying voice. Later, he sold out and went the Disney ballads route. Not completely untalented at it, but certainly cheesy in a bad way which is unforgivable, especially from someone who originally claimed to be arty and avant-garde.”

 

 

Nicole Kidman

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While this writer is a fan of the Australian actress — particularly in lesser-seen films like “Birth” — her name came up with some frequency. “Why is she the new grande-dame of American cinema?” asks writer and editor M. “How in the world did she win an Oscar for her execrable portrayal of Virginia Woolf (in ‘The Hours’)? The only acting that went on by Kidman was with her furrowed brow and her pasted-on nose. Did anyone believe she was actually a writer? By the end of that film, I wanted to put stones in my pocket and walk into the River Ouse.”

 

“She’s the Madonna of the acting world,” says L., a movie buff and writer. “She’s good at surrounding herself with the right people.”

 

Carlos Mencia

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A top vote-getter — and often paired with the aforementioned Dane Cook — Mencia drew contempt from the survey group for not only being an infamous joke-stealer but also for doing so little with the stolen goods. “Mencia subscribes to the ‘if I scream, it’s funnier’ school,” says actor T., “much like those people in the ‘American Idol’ auditions who think they’re great singers as long as they’re really, really loud.”

 

Other raves included “the Latino Tom Green,” “a second-rate Dave Chappelle” and “not smart enough to steal the good jokes.”

 

John Travolta

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While everyone agrees he started out great — “he had a hunger back then which was, apparently, actual hunger,” notes one respondent — it’s been a while since the artist formerly known as Tony Manero delivered on his early promise. “Travolta was just awful in ‘Hairspray,’” says M., “which means he’ll probably get an Oscar nomination for the role. He looked frightening, his accent was bizarre, and he couldn’t pull an ounce of emotion from the part. I did like his little dance, but that didn’t make up for the rest of the time I was forced to watch his Mrs. Potato Head face.”

 

Renee Zellweger

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She may have an Oscar, but the “Chicago” star’s facial tics are rubbing lots of moviegoers the wrong way. “If by talent you mean ‘good at making a lip-pursy sourpuss face with annoying squinty eyes regardless of the situation,’ then yeah, she’s brilliant,” rants music producer L.F. “The only place it really worked was ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary,’ but even then it only worked because the character was already a royal pain.”

 

Filmmaker Z. tempers his qualms about the actress: “To be fair, I like her in character roles, and to her credit, she seeks them out. But as a romantic lead, she’s too much like My First Applehead Doll making out with a hot young dude.”

 

Or as U., a blogger and critic notes, “Chipmunk is the new black.”

[BobbyD 2]

All AP News

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Alba, Cook Raise $260K for Charity

 

A charity found its good-luck charms in Jessica Alba and Dane Cook, who attended a screening of their new comedy, "Good Luck Chuck," at a Knoxville theater.

 

Fans paid $75 to see the actors and attend the screening, which raised $260,000 for Variety of Eastern Tennessee, a charity benefiting children with disabilities.

 

Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam proclaimed "Jessica Alba and Dane Cook Day" on Tuesday, and Regal Entertainment Group CEO Mike Campbell unveiled commemorative tiles to be placed at the Walk of Fame at Regal's Pinnacle 18 theater.

 

"I've never had a proclamation except, `You're fired,'" Cook, 35, told the crowd of about 1,000.

 

"Good Luck Chuck" opened in theaters Friday. Alba, 26, plays Cam, a clumsy penguin-keeper who captures Cook's heart.

 

Knoxville-based Regal Entertainment Group has hosted several screenings to benefit Variety, including a showing of "Talladega Nights" with Will Ferrell and "The Dukes of Hazzard" with Jessica Simpson, Seann William Scott and Knoxville native Johnny Knoxville.

 

___

 

On the Net:

 

Variety of Eastern Tennessee:

 

http://varietytn.org/

 

Regal Entertainment Group:

 

http://www.regalcinemas.com/

[leaivory 2]

Jessica Alba Can't Dance And Mike Myers Is An Eccentric Jackass

http://socialitelife.com/2007/10/22/jessic...ric_jackass.php

 

Jessica Alba is lucky. Normally, I'd be all up and down her seeing as I find her to be kind of a dickhead, what with the not liking being Latina and always bitching about how her beauty is a curse. But Mike Myers has proven himself to be the bigger dickhead in this story! You're free to go, Jessica. They're filming "The Love Guru" (probably one of those godawful movies that will result in four sequels and way too many catchphrases) in Canada and Mike's being a real dickus on the set.

We're told Mike has two male assistants follow him constantly, one to shield his fair skin with a personal umbrella and another to hold a fresh bottle of water with a straw for sipping.

 

"And Mike gets easily distracted by the sun hitting any reflective surfaces, so he makes people run around the movie with black tape to cover each one," says our snitch.

 

"When filming is outside, the sun moves and before you know it, there's black tape covering everything and people running around with rolls of it."

My beautiful friend and co-worker has coined the term "douche-dar". Mike is setting mine off right now. Keep reading for details on both he and Alba are doing the fullbody dry heave on the dance floor.

"He's a terrible dancer, and he had so much trouble getting the moves down that he changed the Bollywood scene until it was actually flamenco dance moves," laughs our source. (The scenery, however, is still Indian.)

 

And Alba was so bad, "Every shot cuts the feet out of the screen so no one can compare her missteps to the backup dancers! She's actually very nice and quiet, just so bad at dancing."

Wasn't she in a movie called "Honey" in which she played the world's prettiest hip-hop dancer? Was that all faked? Imagine you're a director/crew member/choreographer/producer/someone who has to work with assholes in Hollywood and some egotistical movie star changes the entire scene because he's too lame-ass to rehearse something and get it right? Must be nice. The Bollywood choreographer is out of a job because dumbass is too busy thinking he's Count Dracula to rehearse. Thanks, Mike. Just use your "Austin Powers" money to have the sun turned off, Precious.

[leaivory 2]

Double Take

http://www.dlisted.com/

 

 

I don't think Jessica Alba has a sister, but she may have a decoy. It's probably her cousin or something. Maybe her daddy did it with her mommy's sister. Ugh, why do I even care? Anyway, I thought it was funny for like a second. Now I can go back to watching Tyra Banks.

[QTPIE 0]

The Love Guru Movie Still — FIRST PICTURE

 

 

Take in the latest image of Jessica Alba and Mike Myers from The Love Guru to set your chi to maximum opulence

 

In the comedy, Pitka (Myers) is an American who was left at the gates of an ashram in India as a child and raised by gurus. He moves back to the U.S. to seek fame and fortune in the world of self-help and spirituality. His unorthodox methods are put to the test when he must settle a rift between Toronto Maple Leafs star hockey player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) and his estranged wife. After the split, Roanoke’s wife starts dating L.A. Kings star Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake) out of revenge, sending her husband into a major professional skid — to the horror of the teams’ owner Jane Bullard (Alba) and Coach Cherkov (Verne Troyer). Pitka must return the couple to marital nirvana and get Roanoke back on his game so the team can break the 40-year-old “Bullard Curse” and win the Stanley Cup.

 

Myers wrote the film because of his interests in Eastern philosophy and hockey. The Love Guru hits screens nationwide June 20.

[Bette Davis 0]

Big fame, small talent article was terrific!!

 

I admit there are times I have problems telling Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba apart.

[taco 0]

Is Jessica Alba pregnant or is it just her dress?

 

http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/9454/al...keheadernn5.jpg

 

http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/4444/albaawake9do5.jpg

 

26 year-old Jessica Alba looks pregnant to me. I know I’m always calling celebrities pregnant, but in the last two cases, Nicole Richie and Cate Blanchett, I was right and well ahead of the tabloids. (Although I did call Nicole Kidman pregnant enough times for her to have had Irish twins by now.) At first I wrote this whole post making fun of Alba’s recent lack of style, but when I looked at the pictures closely I was struck by how much her lower stomach looks like it’s sticking out in this dress. It could just be the style of the dress, but I suspect she’s knocked up. Alba is currently reunited with her longterm boyfriend, Cash Warren, who was also at the premiere of Awake in NY last night.

 

Is Alba pregnant or did she fire her stylist? She was on TRL on Tuesday wearing a loose t-shirt and skirt outfit that Agent Bedhead said made her look “like the ditzy secretary who takes the ‘business-casual; notion way too literally.” Then last night she showed up at the premiere of her new film, Awake, wearing a black dress with scalloped lace detail and puffy cap sleeves. Her look is just perfect for that m

http://www.celebitchy.com/7546/is_jessica_...just_her_dress/

[Lady Frost 23]

People Exclusive

Jessica Alba Is Pregnant

 

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 12, 2007 05:55 AM EST

 

 

Jessica Alba is pregnant with boyfriend Cash Warren's child, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

 

"I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer," says rep Brad Cafarelli.

 

Alba, 26, has dated Warren, 28, since the fall of 2004 after they met on the set of The Fantastic Four, on which Warren was a director's assistant.

 

The couple have been seen being affectionate together in Los Angeles in recent days, shopping for mattresses last Saturday and attending a Lakers game, where they were spotted kissing Sunday.

 

Alba has also starred in Sin City and the recent Awake. Her upcoming films are The Eye and The Love Guru.

 

Before the pregnancy announcement, she said she was in talks to make her Broadway premiere this summer in a revival of playwright David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow.

 

People Online

[Crackerjack123 0]

Is this the guy who supposedly always cheats on her?

 

Mazel Tov...I guess.

[QTPIE 0]

Fantastic Four star Alba pregnant

 

 

"Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring [or] early summer," her spokesman told the People.com website.

 

Alba, 26, has been dating Warren since autumn 2004. The pair met on the first Fantastic Four film, on which Warren, 28, worked as a director's assistant.

 

Alba, recently seen in the comedy Good Luck Chuck, was named the sexiest woman in the world by FHM readers last April.

 

The actress played Sue Storm, aka the Invisible Girl, in 2005's Fantastic Four and its 2007 sequel.

 

Her other films include Sin City, Into the Blue and current US release Awake.

bbc.co.uk

[couleur 0]

Boy, I didn't see that one coming

[taco 0]

Boy, I didn't see that one coming

I did

Is Jessica Alba pregnant or is it just her dress?

 

http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/9454/al...keheadernn5.jpg

 

http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/4444/albaawake9do5.jpg

 

26 year-old Jessica Alba looks pregnant to me. I know I’m always calling celebrities pregnant, but in the last two cases, Nicole Richie and Cate Blanchett, I was right and well ahead of the tabloids. (Although I did call Nicole Kidman pregnant enough times for her to have had Irish twins by now.) At first I wrote this whole post making fun of Alba’s recent lack of style, but when I looked at the pictures closely I was struck by how much her lower stomach looks like it’s sticking out in this dress. It could just be the style of the dress, but I suspect she’s knocked up. Alba is currently reunited with her longterm boyfriend, Cash Warren, who was also at the premiere of Awake in NY last night.

 

Is Alba pregnant or did she fire her stylist? She was on TRL on Tuesday wearing a loose t-shirt and skirt outfit that Agent Bedhead said made her look “like the ditzy secretary who takes the ‘business-casual; notion way too literally.” Then last night she showed up at the premiere of her new film, Awake, wearing a black dress with scalloped lace detail and puffy cap sleeves. Her look is just perfect for that m

http://www.celebitchy.com/7546/is_jessica_...just_her_dress/

Edited December 12, 2007 by taco

[BobbyD 2]

Agreed...it's a good career move on his part.

[Becca 0]

Is this the guy who supposedly always cheats on her?

 

Mazel Tov...I guess.

yeah, he's a real winner

[doggiestore 0]

who is he?? is he famous?

[BobbyD 2]

who is he?? is he famous?

No, but he is now....lol...

[noodle 5]

For any of you who are avid Blind Items followers, I swear there was a BI written about one or two months ago regarding a baby, the father not being who people think it is and then playing it off as if the baby was his after all....does that make sense?

 

In other words, it could now be said to be Jessica's baby, not Cash's, but they're going to treat it as Cash's...I tried doing a search for it and came up fruitless. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

[Cosmo 0]

His father is actor Michael Warren. He used to play Officer Bobby Hill on Hill Street Blues for any other oldsters on board.

[RedandBlue 0]

His father is actor Michael Warren. He used to play Officer Bobby Hill on Hill Street Blues for any other oldsters on board.

I didn't know that! I used to love Hill Street Blues. As a toddler, of course.

[NovemberRain 0]

Oh no not another one, it's like babies have become the latest PR accessory in Hollywood the only way these meh actresses can keep themselves on the covers of magazines.

[Hoyaheel 1,874]

His father is actor Michael Warren. He used to play Officer Bobby Hill on Hill Street Blues for any other oldsters on board.

In Ted's (?I think) column today they also mention Cash Warren is a Yale grad. So--not just college, but an ivy league. I'm just happy he has a degree (yes, it did say "graduate" not just "attended"--I know what to look for, cynic that I am )So when her "acting" career fails, maybe he'll be able to earn money for the family. Did say they met while he was the director's assistant.....

[BobbyD 2]

Oh, please...we all know Cash Warren is a graduate of K-Fed's Kollege of Sperm Donors. Along with Mr. Halle Berry(Gabriel Aubry), Carlos Leon(Madonna's baby daddy)...dudes that will only be famous for knocking up someone famous.

 

We should be soon hearing reports of a ring...and guess who's paying 4 it?

[Hoyaheel 1,874]

I guess my counterpoint, Bobby (although I do agree with what you say) is--if the woman weren't famous and somebody knocked her up, would we care? These guys only get press because the woman is famous--how do we know they wouldn't be doing the same thing even if she weren't famous. Cash Warren could have been screwing some PA and knocked her up and they could have lived in blissful anonymity for the rest of their lives. But since he knocked up a famous "actress", we're making fun of him for being a golddigger.

 

This line of thinking I'm on right now makes me sorry for famous people. You never do know if people like you and are with you because of WHO you are or who YOU are. If that makes sense without my voice inflections....Only a little sorry, but still.....

[BobbyD 2]

I guess my counterpoint, Bobby (although I do agree with what you say) is--if the woman weren't famous and somebody knocked her up, would we care? These guys only get press because the woman is famous--how do we know they wouldn't be doing the same thing even if she weren't famous. Cash Warren could have been screwing some PA and knocked her up and they could have lived in blissful anonymity for the rest of their lives. But since he knocked up a famous "actress", we're making fun of him for being a golddigger.

 

This line of thinking I'm on right now makes me sorry for famous people. You never do know if people like you and are with you because of WHO you are or who YOU are. If that makes sense without my voice inflections....Only a little sorry, but still.....

Agree we wouldn't care. It's hard to believe that Mr. Warren would be bringing home checks, even with a Yale degree....I had also forgotten to add Mr. Julia Roberts on my list as well.

[Hoyaheel 1,874]

And Tori Spelling's husband, whom Lainey calls K-Fed Jr....